Heroes Don't Look Like They Used To
by choose joy xox
Summary: "He never thought that he would be one of the popular kids." Just as Toby Cavanaugh is finally finding his place in the complicated arena that is high school, his mother starts to show signs of mental illness. How will this effect his life and his relationships? AU, Speculation on how Marion's illness would effect Spoby. No A.
1. Chapter 1

**This story will be at least 12 chapters, each chapter spanning a month and the entire story being told over the course of a year. But if one of the months get out of control I might divide it into two chapters. Some background information, this is starting early second semester their junior year. Everyone is the same age in this, and Spencer and Toby starting dating in their sophomore year.**

**Um, yeah. This sets stuff up, but it'll all happen pretty quickly from here.**

**I know I said I wouldn't post this until They Take Their Shots was done, but I have no self control. But I PROMISE it will not be updated again until then. So consider this a little teaser.**

**Shouts to caitycaites for liking the idea and giving me my title. Because I suck at titles. The good ones probably either weren't my idea or took me longer to come up with than it took me to write the stupid story.**

Chapter 1

**January**

TPOV

He never thought that he would be one of he popular kids.

And to be honest, he still wasn't really. But the apathetic disinterest he received from the classmates that used to torment him was a far cry from the cruel words and painful accusations that used to be so casually thrown his way. He didn't decide to date Spencer Hastings because it would boost his place on the social ladder that was high school, although that was most certainly a benefit. He chose to date Spencer because she was the only person who saw him. He spent every day surrounded by people, but to most of them he was just the quiet, bullied kid that no one really knew. But Spencer took the time to get to know him. And she maybe decided that he was worth knowing.

And that was everything.

He ran a hand through his hair as he walked past Noel Kahn without so much as earning a second glance. It was a relief, that was for sure. He had enough to deal with. He walked into the cafeteria and headed over toward the table he sat at now. It wasn't empty any longer, and despite his introverted nature, it was a relief to have friends. It was a relief not to have to spend another lunch hour pretending to read a book, hoping that no one would notice how much it stung to be so lonely.

"Toby! Oh my God, tell me that you have your notes."

He grinned as he slid in across from Hanna. "Good afternoon to you too, Hanna."

She rolled her eyes. "Cut the pleasantries, Cavanaugh. Do you have the goods?"

He laughed fully and slid his Calculus notebook across the table. He struggled through most of school, but math was easy for him; a lot easier than it was for Hanna. But he didn't mind helping her. She helped him in other ways.

She sighed dramatically and hugged his battered, black notebook to her chest. "I love you," she exclaimed. "Seriously, I love you."

"He's spoken for," a soft, laughter filled voice said, suddenly appearing next to him.

It was funny. He didn't even realize that he was tense until she sat next to him and all the tension left his body. He didn't realize that he was even waiting for her until a sense of calm came over him at her arrival. "Damn straight he is," he said softly, leaning in to kiss her chastely.

He heard Hanna scoff. "I was talking about the notebook anyway."

He broke away from Spencer with a laugh. "Oh, well I wouldn't want to get in the middle of this love affair."

Spencer uttered a low curse under her breath. His smile only grew. He certainly never thought that he would be with someone that make even cursing sound endearing. "Something wrong?" He asked her quietly, lightly tugging on one of her curls. He actually couldn't imagine feeling anything wrong. This was so simple, but it was so significantly different from the life that he had become accustomed to. Relaxing lunch breaks were maybe his favorite thing in the entire world.

She shot him a reassuring smile. "I just forgot my lunch money in my locker."

"I can buy you food," he rolled his eyes. "I haven't gotten myself anything yet either."

She laughed and tilted back to kiss him. "I can buy myself lunch, Toby."

"I know," he said. That wasn't the point at all, though. He sneaked a quick kiss to her forehead before stepping into the short lunch line.

Rosewood always had limited options for lunch, but he managed to pick a few things he knew she would like. He didn't really care what he ate as long as she was happy. He had never been all that concerned with his own happiness. At school it was a forgone conclusion that he would be miserable. But somehow it had transformed to Spencer's happiness being his own happiness.

When he sat back down the bright smile she shared with him was all that he needed. He was relaxed and his insides were all warm. It was like someone wrapped his heart up in a fuzzy blanket. He was happy, and as pathetic as it sounded, he had never really known happiness before this. Maybe his troubled childhood was distorting what he was feeling now, but it didn't matter so much.

He put the tray down between them and waited for her to pick first. He would eat anything, a trademark teenage boy attribute that he hadn't been able to quite avoid. Spencer took his hand under the table and slowly worked on an able with her free hand. "Do you still need help with your French homework after school?"

He nodded. He was actually not that bad at French, but she was adorable when she got all earnest about school. And her low, raspy voice speaking to him in French certainly didn't hurt either. "There's a test tomorrow."

She smirked. "We'll get you to blow that curve for sure."

While being smarter than everyone else wasn't exactly a priority for him, her certainly couldn't deny how endearing he found her competitive nature, even when it was secondhand. "I don't doubt it. I have the best tutor."

The grin she gave him was all he needed to get through the rest of the day.

* * *

Her hand was wrapped up in his as she drove them back to his house. Maybe it was weird to have her drive all the time, but he didn't really think so. He just had his bike, and as much as he loved speeding down the highway with nothing between him and the open air, it wasn't the most safe means of travel. He didn't really like the idea of Spencer on it. Anything could happen. So he let her drive.

"Is anyone home?" She asked him softly.

If anyone else had asked him that he would have thought that they had other intentions behind their words. But with Spencer he knew that she just genuinely wanted to know. She got so adorably shy around his parents. It was nice to see that side of her sometimes. She couldn't be high energy all the time, and it was honestly just really nice to know that she wasn't afraid to be vulnerable around him.

They had been dating for nearly a year now, but it still shocked him how beautiful she was. She was a subtle beauty, the kind that snuck up on you until you suddenly didn't know how you missed it; and then it was all that you saw. It was in the way that she moved, in the way that her eyes lit up. He saw it in the way that she lived her life with such passion. There were very few things in life that were so beautiful that they took your breath away. A sky full of millions of stars, the first snow fall of the year, being alone in nature... and her. Always her.

He was pretty sure that he loved her, but he would wait until he was positive to tell her. He didn't want to hurt her. He hadn't had a lot of love in his life, so it might be kind of difficult for him to distinguish.

He laughed when he realized that he hadn't answered her yet. "No, I don't think so." He didn't bother to check the garage. Both of his parents should still be at work. He jumped out as soon as the car stopped and hurried around to open her door for her. She pretended not to like it, but he could tell that she did. He didn't do things like that for her because he thought that she needed him to, far from it really. Spencer was the strongest, most independent person that he knew. He did it because it was the easiest way for him to show her that he cared about her.

They walked into the house together and dumped their bags on the kitchen table. "Um, are you hungry?"

She smiled. He liked it when she smiled. "I could eat. But I also could not eat. If you're hungry make it happen and I will help you get rid of it. If not I'll eat later."

He rolled his eyes at her passive way of telling him that she was hungry. He popped a plate of Pizza Rolls into the microwave and tossed a bag of gummy worms on the table. "A well rounded meal."

She snorted. "You really know how to treat a girl." She dug through her bag for a second until she found a rumpled looking notebook. "These are my notes from when I took French 1. They are as good as gold, and I better not see them sold on the high school black market."

"Damn it," he laughed. "You caught on to my side job."

She shrugged. "It's always the innocent ones. So you're having trouble with the conditional tense, right? It's pretty easy, you just have to-"

"Toby?"

He jumped, dropping Spencer's stuffed, ratty notebook to the ground. "Mom? What are you doing here?" He turned, his forehead wrinkling in confusion at her appearance. Her pink, fluffy robe skimmed the top of her worn slippers. Her hair was messy and her eyes were bleary. "Did you just wake up? Why aren't you at work?"

She looked confused. "Why aren't you at school?" She glanced at Spencer. "Why aren't you _both _at school?"

Spencer glanced at her watch. "It's almost 5, Mrs. Cavanaugh. Are you okay?"

He looked at Spencer and then back at his mom. It felt weird to be the one that was worried, but it was clear to everyone in the room that something wasn't right here. His mom ran a tired hand over her face and gave the two of them a halfhearted smile. "I'm just not feeling my best. Are you kids hungry? Can I fix you something for dinner?"

He just shook his head. "No we're okay. We're just studying. Do you need anything?"

Spencer shifted on her chair. "You know what makes me feel better when I'm sick? A hot bubble bath with a good book. You should try that!"

His mom's smile softened a little bit and she patted Spencer's head as she walked by. "You're a good girl. I think I will try that."

He watched her walk away, his concern ebbing away. That was weird, but she was just sick, right? That was all that it was. He turned back to Spencer with a tight smile. "So about the conditional tense?"


	2. Chapter 2

**As promised, here's chapter 2 now that They Take Their Shots is done. This is cute, which makes me think you all will hate it haha. Idk how good I am at the cute stuff, so please let me know what you think, okay?**

**This will not be ALL cute. This will get sad like my other stories. So enjoy the cute while it lasts, yeah?**

Chapter 2

TPOV

**February**

Snow fell gently against the hood of his truck, but he barely saw it. It was cold outside, but it was anything but inside. He ran both hands down the gentle slope of her waist, reattaching their lips in a passionate embrace. There were a lot of places that they could do this at, but somehow his truck remained their favorite spot.

He wasn't cold, but as soon as he felt her shiver he broke away. She groaned and moved her lips to his neck. "No," she moaned. "Don't stop."

"Are you cold?" He murmured, his lips right below her ear, brushing over her tender skin in the lightest of touches.

She shivered again leaning into him. "Maybe a little."

He shrugged out of his jacket without a second thought and draped it over her slight shoulders. "Do you want to go home?" He pressed a last lingering kiss to her lips.

She shook her head, her forehead and her curls brushing against his. "No," she whispered, lightly snagging his bottom lip with her teeth causing him to let out a quiet moan of his own. She grinned and leaned in to hide her face in the place that his shoulder and his neck met. "But I probably should."

He couldn't talk for a second. He sucked in a shaky breath. "Okay," he cringed at the way his voice wavered. "I'll take you home."

He wouldn't tell her, but he didn't want to go home. He genuinely didn't want to spend time with his mom because he was afraid of what happened last month. As the weeks went by he saw small, little signs that just showed him that she wasn't quite herself. It was starting to scared the hell out of him.

"Toby?"

He looked at her with a smile, not wanting her to see his underlying worry. "Sorry, I was spacing out."

She tilted her head and returned his soft smile. She ran her gentle fingers down the length of his jaw. "Are you okay?"

He caught her hand and kept it against his face. "Are your parents home?" It was a fair bet that they weren't. They left her alone far more often than he was comfortable with, but that wasn't why he was asking right now.

She just shook her head, still looking at him in confusion. He nodded, hesitating. He never liked to ask her for anything, but he really didn't want to go home. The more often he was away from his house the longer he could pretend that everything was fine.

But as always, Spencer knew what he needed without his having to ask. "Do you want to stay with me? I get a little freaked out when I'm alone sometimes anyway."

He was relieved. He nodded and kissed her again. "I just need to stop and get some clothes."

They drove back to his house in comfortable silence. It was a beautiful thing to be so close to someone that words were no longer necessary. Her presence was enough to cause him to feel an unparalleled sense of comfort.

He pulled up to the curb and turned to her. "Wait out here, okay? I'm going to tell them I'm staying with Caleb, and if you appear it's going to kind of throw a wrench in that plan." He left the keys in the ignition, not planning on being that long. But even if he was going to be three hours he wouldn't leave her in a cold truck.

She laughed. "Yeah, alright."

He grinned at her and hurried across the dark lawn, not really wanting to leaving her out there long regardless. He ducked into his house and was surprised to see his mom stretched out on the couch. "Mom? Are you alright? Where's dad?"

She didn't respond at first, her eyes trained on the ceiling. He knelt down next to her and shook her shoulder a bit. "Mom?"

She jumped like she hadn't heard him before. "Toby? What are you doing here?"

He knew that he hadn't really wanted to stay here, but was it the best idea to leave her? There was something wrong. "I live here," he said softly and slowly. "I just came by to get some stuff because I'm going to stay with Caleb tonight."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Okay. Have fun, dear."

He hesitated. "Did you go to work today, Mom?" He was torn. Because now that Spencer admitted that she was scared he didn't really want to leave her alone, but he didn't know if he should leave his mom either. His dad was out of town on business and something just felt off.

She shook her head. "No. I think my boss is out to get me, so he could do with a day without me there to take care of everything," she said, uncharacteristically bitter. He didn't think much of himself, but what he did know was that he was kind far more often than he was not. And he got that from his mom. Anyone who had ever taken in his dad's semi-aggressive demeanor could see that.

"Should I stay here?" He asked her softly. Spencer could go stay with Hanna, worst case scenario. His mom didn't really have anyone else.

She shook her head so quickly that her hair hit her face. "No! Go and have fun!"

He nodded and stood up. He wasn't sure why he was so worried other than a bad feeling. Maybe he was being ridiculous. He quickly threw a few things into his bag, and at the last minute he blushed and grabbed a couple condoms from his bedside table. He had been intimate with Spencer before, but it wasn't often enough that sex was a forgone conclusion. But just in case, he wasn't going to take any chances with her future. She was going places; she didn't have room to be irresponsible.

As he walked back through the living room he paused to look at his mom who was back in her prone position. "I love you, Mom."

"Love you too," she said quietly, almost thoughtfully.

He bit his lip. "What are you doing?"

"Just listening," she answered.

That spawned a million more questions, but he wouldn't ask them. He leave her to her introspection for now. Maybe Spencer would have some idea. If he was just being paranoid she would tell him. She didn't sugarcoat things and he loved that about her. He ducked through the door and immediately shivered, having forgotten to grab a spare jacket. But that didn't matter. He was outside. He was away from the oppressive, worrisome air that was cloaking his house. And he suddenly felt better.

"Are you okay?"

He smiled. The first words that she said were things that he needed to hear. "I'm fine. My mom is just acting weird."

She took his hand as he started the truck. "Weird how?"

"She's just acting tired and being really quiet. Almost sad, I guess? I don't know. It's not that strange, I guess. It's just that I have a really weird feeling about it. I don't know, maybe I'm just being crazy." He couldn't stop smiling despite his worry. He still felt so lucky every single day.

Spencer nodded. "It's understandable. It's your mom. I'm sure she's fine though."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Are you really all that ready to go home?" Because he suddenly had a better idea.

She smirked. "What do you have in mind?"

He rolled his eyes. "Well, I wasn't going _there."_

"Well, why not?" She asked in a voice that was an attempt at seduction, but really he just found it to be outrageously adorable. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and ran her cold fingers over his abs.

He shivered and scooted back. "Hold yourself together," he chuckled. "I have a better idea."

She sighed and leaned back. "Doubt it."

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. He was somehow in a really silly mood right now, and he couldn't think of a better person in the world to share it with. It only took a second for him to pull into their local, crappy grocery store. "Okay," he dug into his wallet and tossed her $10, keeping $10 for himself. "Go in there and get the best things you can for that, but the only rule is that they have to be blue."

"Blue?" She laughed, raising her eyebrows.

He nodded. "Blue."

She shoved the bill into her pocket and swung the door open. "You're on, Cavanaugh." And without waiting for him like she usually would she darted off into the store.

He couldn't contain his laughter as he raced in after her, but as he ducked into the automatic doors he couldn't find her anywhere. He shrugged, figuring that it would be easier to kick her ass if she wasn't accusing him of cheating. His sweet, somewhat sassy girlfriend turned into a competitive monster when she was challenged, and he found it attractive as hell. It was half the reason he suggested this.

He absentmindedly tossed a thing of blueberries into his basket, cringing at the fact that they blew half of his budget. But they literally had the word blue in their name, so he was sure to get some bonus points for that. He struggled to find something else, but in the end he just grabbed a rose that was dyed blue. It ate up the rest of his budget, but it was cute. She would appreciate it, even if she groaned in the end. And just so he didn't go back empty handed he tossed a pint of blue ice cream into his basket. It wasn't apparent what flavor it was, but it was blue. Wasn't it a fact of life that things that were blue tasted better?

A quick scan of the front of the store told him that she wasn't done yet, so he checked out. The whole time he was awkwardly glancing over his shoulder, and he was certain that the cashier thought that he was crazy. It was okay though. He wasn't out to impress anyone.

Just as he took his bags she came sprinting down, her shoes squeaking. "Damn it, I wanted to beat you."

"You'll have to work a little harder than that," he teased. She would probably beat him though. He hadn't tried all that hard.

"Turn around," she demanded, half laughing half serious.

He just rolled his eyes and spun around, looking out the dark window. It was late, but somehow this felt like the best time to spend with her. The streets were emptier than usual. It felt like it was the two of them against the world. It was the way that he liked it.

She suddenly danced in front of him, taking his hand and dragging him behind her as they ran to and through the entrance. He laughed as he ran beside her, feeling as happy as he had in awhile. He felt free. Like nothing could ever touch him.

And Spencer? She looked like a literal fucking angel with her rosy cheeks and the soft snow piling in her hair. But the way she looked in his jacket had him thinking thoughts that he probably shouldn't be thinking about someone so pure. He grabbed her door and held it open for her, ignoring the eye roll that his gentlemen tendencies always earned. She could be as annoyed as she wanted. He still probably wouldn't stop.

"Now what?" She asked eagerly, once he was in the truck himself. "Do I show you how much better I am at picking out blue foods than you?"

He laughed. "That's a real resume builder."

She nudged him in the side. "Your plan."

"You're right," he nodded. "This is my plan, and unfortunately you have to wait a little longer before wowing me with your food buying prowess."

"You're making fun of me!"

He shrugged, grinning. "Maybe."

"Well, we'll see who's making fun of who in a minute." She glanced out the window. "On that note, where are we going?"

She really should have figured out their destination at this point. "Where do you think?"

"I think it really looks like you're taking me out to the woods to murder me," she said. "But I suspect you have a different plan. I think- Oh..." she trailed off as it became apparent. "It's so pretty up here at night."

His smile only grew as he got the exact reaction that he was hoping for. "It might be cold," he said softly, as he back into a spot right on the edge, overlooking the expansive view of the town the both grew up in. "but I have a few blankets in the back. It might be nice."

"You are the best," she said. She leaned back and grabbed the blankets that her perched on his tiny backseat. He kept them in here for that exact reason. She got cold, but she was also up for adventures. Warmth was only a priority for him, because he was pretty sure she'd let her fingers fall off.

He grabbed the bags without looking at her purchases and met her at the back of the truck. He helped her up before climbing in after her. She tucked herself into a corner, letting the body of the truck block the snow and wind. He mirrored her on the other side, their legs intertwining without a second thought. "You go first," she demanded.

He slid the flower out of the bag first and handed it to her. She groaned. "Oh my God. You're trying to butter me up," she paused, looking at the rose. "and it actually might be working. You're an idiot."

He snorted. That actually wasn't his intention, but he would take it. "I also got blueberries and ice cream. I realize it's a little cold for this summery crap, but I didn't really think the color thing through."

"I mean, I think I did pretty well," she shrugged in mock humility. She was gloating and it was adorable. "We've got bleu cheese, blue applesauce, blue jello, blue candy things," she held the packaging closer to her face. "I'm not actually sure what these are. But anyway, blue gum and cookies with blue icing."

"I think we're going to be diabetic if we eat all of this," he laughed. "but okay, you win."

"Well," she said slowly. "We could always revisit my former idea."

"Which was?" He was distracted by all the sugar. He couldn't even remember her making another suggestion.

She grinned and leaned in to kiss him in a way that made it clear that she wasn't just after kisses. "Spence," he groaned, gently holding her back. "Are you sure? It's kind a distinct possibility that someone might walk by."

"I'm not suggesting we go streaking," she breathed into his skin, trailing soft kisses down his neck and over his shoulders.

While he still had any piece of mind he draped the blanket over her, shielding her from the cold and from any prying eyes. Then he put his hands on her waist, letting them travel inches below her shirt and reveling in the smoothness of her skin. "Spence," he whispered.

"Mmmm?" She murmured, clearly only half paying attention to him.

"I-" he cut himself off as soon as her big, brown eyes drifted up to look at him. He was such a chicken. When she looked like she was going to question him he caught her lips with his own, kissing her deeply. She lost her fingers in his hair, seemingly forgetting about whatever it was that he was going to say.

But he didn't. _I love you. _He said it in his mind. Maybe he would find the strength to tell her soon, because he was pretty sure that it was true.


	3. Chapter 3

**Do you guys follow the girls on snapchat? Because Troian and Ashley seem like they're filming a crap ton together and I AM SO EXCITED FOR REAL LIFE SPANNA. OMG. 6A is going to be the literal best. Also, Troian was saying a line... something like "Stop or you'll set off an alarm." UM EXCUSE ME I DON'T THINK MY HEART WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE THIS SEASON.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys like this. I'm kind of nervous. Review and ease my fears, okay?**

Chapter 3

**March**

SPOV

As was fairly typical for early spring, the weather sucked. It wasn't so much raining as it was literally pouring. It was like the rain was coming down in buckets, drenching her windshield and reducing her visibility to all of nothing. It was beneficial that she had lived in Rosewood for her entire life because these roads were as familiar as any thing was to her. She instinctively knew every bend and every curb. She knew when to stop and flip on the turn single. It was certainly coming in handy today.

Toby's hand brushed out a small circle on her thigh. "You're basically a superstar driver," he told her.

She grinned. "I'm good at everything, Cavanaugh. Don't you know that yet?"

He snorted. "Big head, much?"

She shrugged. "More like confident in my many abilities." Usually she wouldn't be so glib, but she knew that Toby knew that she was kidding.

"Your cockiness is actually really attractive," he smiled. When she pulled up in front of his house he unbuckled his seat belt and moved to get out of the car.

She put a hand on his arm to stop him. "Happy Birthday," she murmured. She took her seat belt off and climbed over the seat, straddling his waist. She never thought that she'd be the kind of girl who made out with her boyfriend in a car, but here she was. And she didn't want to go another second without feeling his lips against hers.

He had the same idea that she did, stretching his neck and kissing her deeply, his arms forming a cage of love and protection around her. He lost one hand in her hand and curled the other one around her body. She didn't know how long they stayed like that, making out like the teenagers they were. It felt like forever, but it also felt like no time at all had passed. She had a feeling that it would always be like that with Toby.

"I should probably get inside," he breathed against her lips. "Dad said something about dinner."

She nodded. "Do you mind if I use your restroom? All this rain is really making my bladder feel alive."

He squinted, staring out the window. "I hear you. I can barely see my house." He glanced back at her and shrugged out of his jacket, handing it to her. "You can cover your head if you want."

"Toby-"

He rolled his eyes. He was always rolling his eyes at her. "Spence, I'm home. I can change in like two seconds. You still have a little ways to go, and if the rain is any indication it might take you six hours to get home."

She sighed. Toby really gave her some conflicting emotions. On the one hand, she didn't like being babied. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. But there was a part of her that loved the way that he looked after her, because she had never experienced it before. Her parents loved her, she didn't doubt that at all. But they showed their love in very different ways. Where as Toby would pull her close to protect her from the cold her parents were slip her their credit card so she could go buy herself a new coat. Toby would pick her up from the library and walk her to her door if her studying went late, but her parents bought her pepper spray and remote start for her car. They both cared about her, it was just very different. And she was kind of in love with the way that Toby looked after her. And maybe with him too.

So she took the jacket and wrapped it around herself because it was his birthday and she knew that was what he wanted. She pulled the hood over her curls and slid out of the car before him, sprinting toward the porch. She nearly slipped on a patch of grass, but his hands steadied her. "I saved you from wet hair and a grass stained dress. Just call me Super Man," he laughed.

She rolled her eyes and ducked onto the porch, taking the hood off and shaking out her hair. "You go first. I don't want to just walk into your house."

"I would have literally been two steps behind you..." he trailed off as he stepped into a dark house. "This is weird, I-"

He was cut off by the lights being flipped on. "Surprise!"

The room wasn't full of people, but it was full of people that cared about him. That was the most important thing. His mom and his dad stood toward the back, arm and arm, smiling at the high school students that were taking up their living room. Hanna all but climbed over the couch and gave Toby one of her infamous jump, hugs. He staggered back, only barely managing to keep the two of them on their feet. She kind of wished he was less of a gentleman in that one moment, because maybe if Hanna got dropped on her ass just once she'd stop trying to tackle everyone.

Caleb clapped him on his shoulder, and he kind of was pushed through the small crowd, everyone giving him their birthday wishes. The absolute shock and gratitude on his face was nearly enough to bring her to tears. He was the sweetest person in the world, and he deserved all that life had to offer. But more than any of that, he deserved friends to share it with. He had been alone for away too long, and she was so grateful that she could help make his world a better place.

She turned to Hanna and Caleb, letting him have his moment in the spotlight. "You guys did so well!"

Hanna shrugged. "Parties are kind of my thing. Caleb didn't help at all."

He rose his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, who was it that hauled their body weight in ice from the car and stood on a ladder for a half hour while you perfected the streamers?"

Hanna waved dismissively. "Those things are important, but I had all of the vision."

"Talk about not appreciating the little people," Caleb huffed.

They fought like this all the time, and every single time she couldn't do anything but smile. They brought life to the old saying about fighting like a married couple. "You guys are idiots." She glanced over at Toby, and he was talking to his parents. His dad had an easy smile on his face, but his mom looked a bit uncomfortable. "Was Mrs. Cavanaugh okay?"

Hanna wrinkled her nose. "They were in their bedroom for a couple hours and she came out with messy hair. I think Toby's parents were doing the dirty."

"Oh my God, Hanna!" She laughed. Hanna had a way of releasing tension, but that didn't help too much. Because she was worried, because it sounded like Hanna was confirming her concerns.

She never spent much time at Toby's house. She didn't like Mr. Cavanaugh much, although she'd never admit that to Toby. So she hadn't seen much of Mrs. Cavanaugh, but Toby's worried faces when she asked about his parents told him basically everything she needed to know. She glanced over at the older woman, trying to keep the frown off of her face. Hopefully she would be okay for Toby's birthday.

"Spence, why do you look constipated?"

"Oh my God," she laughed again, smacking Caleb in the shoulder. "Would you two stop being ridiculous?"

Hanna grinned and took Caleb's hand. "Okay, we're going to ditch you now. I want to go find a spot to make out with my boyfriend."

She rolled her eyes, fighting to not laugh at them. She tensed momentarily as she felt hands on her arms, but relaxed as soon as she realized that it was Toby. She didn't know how she knew it was him. As cheesy as it sounded, she just figured that her heart knew. "Thank you," he murmured into her neck.

She turned around, a grin of her own on her face. "Do you like it? I know you can be..." she trailed off, looking for the right word.

"A bit of a loser?" He supplied with a laugh.

She rolled her eyes again. "I was going to say adorably shy."

He ducked down and pressed his face into her neck, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I love it. Thank you," he whispered into her skin.

She shivered. There was something about these sweet moments that were so more intimate than any kiss they could ever share. She loved kissing him. She could spent the rest of her life kissing him and she would die the happiest girl on Earth. But right now? Right in this moment, all she ever wanted was for him to hold her. When he touched her like that, when he looked at her like he was seeing straight into her soul, she felt safe. She felt beautiful. It was all that she ever wanted.

"Happy birthday," she offered again, a soft smile on her face. "18, it's a big one."

"Stop," he laughed. "I feel so old now."

"I'm going to be right there with you in a few months. We can buy canes and start to prepare for retirement." Being old wouldn't be so bad if it meant she got to hang out with Toby.

He laughed and brushed his lips over hers. "I want to dance with you, but I need to go see what my parents want first. Come with me?"

She followed his eyes and smiled when she saw his mom frantically gesturing for him to come back to them. She nodded and took his hand, gently lacing their fingers together. He nudged her behind him, leading her through the bodies covering his living room.

"Toby!" Mrs. Cavanaugh took her son from her, pulling him into the kind of hug that only a mom could give. "Your dad and I wanted to give you a present."

Mr. Cavanaugh was smiling too, and it looked weird on him. She mostly just saw him looking stern and statue-like. He passed Toby a manila envelope. "You'll get the actual present on Saturday."

He glanced at his parents in confusion before carefully opening the envelope. It was little distinctions like that that set Toby so far apart from any other guy she knew. Caleb, for instance, would have ripped into the envelope so quickly that he likely would have torn the white paper inside clean in half. But Toby was so careful and so intentional with everything that he did.

His eyes lit up as he scanned the paper. "Are you serious?"

He was rewarded with the most sincere smile that she had ever seen on his dad. "It took some convincing on my part, but we agreed that we would get you that motorcycle that you've been eyeing."

Toby laughed and launched forward, taking a turn hugging each of his parents. She just stood back. She kind of felt like she was intruding on a family moment, but she was too entranced by Toby's elated smile that she couldn't look away. And while she didn't exactly love the idea of his driving as unprotected as he would be in a motorcycle, she did love that smile.

"I love you guys." He added as he was hugging his mom.

"You're my baby," Mrs. Cavanaugh said tearfully. "And I want you to have the whole world, you know that, right?"

He nodded. "I love you mom."

She smiled through the tears, and for a second Spencer was struck by just how beautiful this older woman was when she was happy. She wondered if she could see her anxiety more clearly because she didn't see her often or because she wasn't in denial. But the way her smile, even now, was shaky, and the way her hands constantly trembled told her a lot. She was worried, and admittedly it was mostly for Toby, but she did still care about this woman.

Mrs. Cavanaugh pulled him closer for a long second before pushing him away fully. "Go back to your friends. Your dad and I will get the cake."

He laughed and nodded, snagging Spencer by her waist as he walked by. Usually he was very chaste with her when they were in public, but he gently pushed her to the side of the room and kissed her deeply. "I wouldn't have any of this if it wasn't for you," he whispered fiercely. "I hope you know that."

She put her hand on his chest to steady herself, her mind completely mush after that kiss. "Yes you would. Your parents-"

"My parents have always loved me, but I disappointed them," he shrugged. "It's life. I've always known it. They were so popular in high school, they couldn't understand why I was such a loner. And they couldn't understand that it was hardly what I wanted. But you gave me friends, and you gave me parents that are proud to have me as their son. And honestly, you gave me you. And there's nothing I want more than that."

She smiled, her lips hovering just below his. "Not even a new motorcycle?"

"Nothing," he whispered emphatically. "Not a single thing."

She kissed him again, her lips starting on his and quickly trailing down the side of his neck. His arms were so tightly around her that her feet were just brushing the ground, his fingertips disappearing underneath her shirt. They were headed somewhere both completely marvelous and entirely inappropriate for a public setting when a loud crash forced them apart.

Her eyes scanned the room, and it wasn't immediately apparent where it came from, despite the absolute silence. But as soon as a quiet sob sounded from near the kitchen she spotted Toby's mom on the ground, a tray and smeared icing just to her left. They started moving at the same time, and she trailed just behind him. She wasn't going to leave him to face this alone, but she also didn't quite feel comfortable intruding on a family moment.

Toby helped his mom up and gently lead her into the kitchen where they could talk without the prying eyes of their classmates. She squatted down to pick up the tray and the ruined cake, and Hanna appeared next to her out of literal nowhere. "Can I help?"

She hesitated. "Can you get a game or something going? Anything to get their minds off of this mess?"

Hanna smiled sadly. "I already told you, parties are my expertise." She glided past the CD player and turned it up, wildly gesturing for everyone to follow her. And for some reason they did.

She nodded and took a deep breath. There was blue frosting all over her shirt, but she didn't care. Shirts were replaceable. This night wasn't, and she didn't want it to be ruined for Toby if there was anything that she could do about it. So she shouldered into the kitchen and was completely shocked to see Mr. Cavanaugh no where in sight. If anything he had done this night had started to repair her feelings toward him it was all destroyed as she saw the mess that he left his son to clean up.

Toby stood in front of his mother who was perched on a bar stool. She was sobbing uncontrollably. She was trying to speak, but it was all unintelligible. She didn't even know what she was doing as she walked forward. She just knew that she had to do something. She put the ruined cake on the counter and stood behind Toby, putting a soft hand on his back. "Can I try?"

He glanced at her desperately. She saw his hesitation, but in the end he nodded. He must have been as lost as she was. She dug a wet wipe out of her purse and tilted Mrs. Cavanaugh's chin up. "I'm just going to help you clean up," she said softly. She started on the icing, knowing that the tears were probably there to stay for awhile. But the icing didn't have to. Once the icing was gone she turned to her hair, taking it out of the ponytail and finger combing it. She didn't really know what she was saying. A constant stream of unimportant chatter just came out of her mouth. "When I was at camp last year I learned how to do a fishtail braid. I think it would be really nice on you. Can I try?"

She nodded through the tears, letting out a soft hiccup. So Spencer did what she said. She took the ponytail that she had pulled from her hair a moment ago and slid it on her wrist. She slowly began to twist Mrs. Cavanaugh's hair into a braid like she was one of the younger campers. It took a few minutes, but as she stepped back and took in the finished product she actually smiled halfway. "It really does look nice."

Mrs. Cavanaugh just wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her into a hug. "I ruined everything," she sobbed into her chest. "I tried. I tried to fix it, but I made it worse. I don't know what's wrong with me."

This could have been awkward if she let it, but she wasn't going to do that. She just held this woman who was over twice her age and sobbing her heart out. Just ten minutes ago she seemed happy, and now she was crying as though a spilled cake were the literal end of the world. Toby shifted into her view, and the tears on his face broke what was left of her tattered heart. She reached out for him with one arm and invited him to join their hug. He did so without hesitation. The arm that he held onto her with was shaking. She wanted to hold him until she made everything in his life better, but she had a suspicion that it started with helping his mom.

"Mrs. Cavanaugh, I'm not sure what you need, but if you tell me what it is I'll do what I can," she said softly.

They sat in silence, their arms intertwined for awhile longer before Mrs. Cavanaugh pulled away. She wiped her tears and sniffled a bit. "I'm sorry for that, Toby. I didn't mean to ruin your birthday."

He shook his head rapidly. "You didn't. You made it perfect."

She just looked at him sadly. "I think that I'm going to go find your father. Don't get too rowdy down here, okay?"

He just nodded again. "Mom, I love you."

She touched his cheek as she walked by. "I love you too, baby."

As soon as she was gone and out of sight Spencer turned to Toby, putting her hands on his face. "What do you need?"

His features softened as he looked at her. "Spence-"

She couldn't bear the sadness in his voice any longer. She got on her tiptoes and kissed him gently. "Anything. Seriously, just tell me how to make this better."

He put his hands on top of hers, trapping them against his face. "I love you," he whispered. "I wasn't sure before. I was pretty sure, but it didn't feel fair to tell you prematurely. But now? After all of that? God, Spencer Hastings, I am in love with you and I don't think that there's anything in the world that's going to change that."

Tears of her own leaked out of the corners of her eyes. "I love you too," she whispered. "Every single part of you. And I'm so happy that I'm here with you on your birthday."

He wiped her tears away and leaned in, resting his forehead on top of hers. He laughed breathlessly. "I'm glad, because for a minute I was scared that you were going to laugh at me."

She tilted her head to the side. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know," he said softly. "I guess I just never thought that I'd find someone who was up for dealing with my baggage."

"Well," she murmured. "You never have to worry about that again."


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER. It has been about 6 years since I've been to Disney World. Second disclaimer, I am finally getting a life again and I am SO FREAKING BUSY. Sorry these are taking forever. I promise I'm working on them whenever I can :)**

Chapter 4

**April**

TPOV

He had been prepared to put his foot down and emphatically insist that Spencer be allowed to accompany them on their annual Spring Break family vacation, but once his mom heard that she would otherwise have had to spend the week alone she insisted that she come along. She had had quite the soft spot for Spencer since his birthday.

Most people their age were vacationing with friends, but his mother decided that there was nothing more that she wanted in the world than to take her 18 year old son to Disney World. But Spencer was practically vibrating with excitement in the seat next to him, and that was all that mattered. Disney World might not be his scene, but apparently it was his mother's and his girlfriend's. And he would play along to make them happy.

"If I have to sit in this car for another minute I'm going to die," she whispered dramatically and quietly 11 hours in to their marathon car ride.

He chuckled, subtly sliding his hand onto her bare thigh and squeezing it gently. "It wouldn't be all these signs for Mickey around, would it?"

She rolled her eyes and put her head on his shoulder. Three weeks ago he would have felt uncomfortable showing her any affection in front of his parents, but now he just didn't care. He didn't care, because once he admitted that he loved her to her he couldn't keep it to himself. He wanted the whole world to know that somehow he had managed to snag up the best girl in the world. And he had no intention of ever letting her go.

"Have you ever been to Disney?" She asked as she played with his fingers.

He shook his head, resting it on top of hers. "Nope. I think this is a making up for lost time thing."

"I've been a couple times. My mom had a conference in Orlando the summer before we started high school, so she took Hanna and me down there as a method of not looking like the most detached mother on the planet," she laughed a little. "It was actually a lot of fun."

He frowned. He really didn't like the way the Hastings treated their youngest daughter, like she was an inconvenience and not the most amazing person. But there was nothing that he could do about it other than love her like she deserved. "I know Hanna is like the queen of fun, but I would almost consider betting money that we're going to have more fun."

He smiled as she laughed. "That's not a bet I would take, considering I am pretty sure that it's true." She leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I couldn't do some of the things I plan on doing with you with Hanna."

He grinned and hid his blushing cheeks in her hair. He didn't want his parents to suspect that his girlfriend was seducing him in the backseat of their rental car. "Can we pause this until we're alone, please?"

She laughed out loud. "You're so cute when you guy shy," she whispered.

"What are you kids talking about?" His mom twisted in the front seat, turning to look at them with a grin that mirrored the one that Spencer wore.

Spencer kiss his cheek and smoothly turned to his mom. "Just about how excited we are for this week!"

There were so many things about Spencer that he found to be invariably attractive, but perhaps what he found the most attractive was her ability to go seamlessly from sex talk to the sweet smile that adults loved. He pulled her close and nodded along to whatever they were saying. He was pretty sure that they could be going to Antarctica and he would still be so thrilled to spend time with Spencer and his mom. His dad would probably spend half the week in the hotel room if previous years were any indication.

He took Spencer hand back with both of his and leaned against the seat, waiting for what was sure to be one of his best weeks to start.

* * *

"Let's go!"

He laughed and took her hand as she literally pulled him down Main Street USA. "I'm sorry, did someone give you another cup of coffee when I went to the bathroom?"

She swatted at his shoulder and slowed down, leaning into his arms and pecking his lips quickly. "Thank you so much for inviting me."

He ran his nose over hers, and he couldn't hold back a grin. Could there be anything more perfect than this moment? "I love you." The words still felt so new, but the newness was half of their appeal.

The broke apart at the sound of a pronounced click. A sheepish employee stood in front of them, a large camera in her hands. "I'm sorry! I couldn't resist. No pressure if you don't want to buy it, but I am telling you with no exaggeration that I've never taken a more adorable picture."

Spencer craned her neck to look at the screen and her already happy smile only grew as she fished the required money out of her pocket. "This is perfect."

He wasn't even looking at the picture. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. "It really is."

The girl was still looking at them like they were some kind of sappy couple in a chick flick. "You can pick it up at the desk when you leave. Here's your number." She handed Spencer a small slip of paper. "Have a magical day!"

And magical it was. They laughed as they explored every piece of what was commonly known as the happiest place on Earth. They rode rides and visited with characters and embraced the childhood that they were rapidly leaving behind. As night fell he carefully lead her through the crowd and to a spot just below Cinderella's castle. He watched a few fireworks explode in the sky, but he quickly found that watching Spencer was much more enjoyable.

His girlfriend spent most of her life so poised and elegant. To those who only knew her on the surface she represented everything that was expected of her as a Hastings. But he saw the little cracks through the facade, and they were his favorite moments. The childish grin on her face was his favorite thing in the world. He couldn't stop himself from ducking down and gliding his lips chastely over top of hers. "I love you," he whispered, smiling against her lips. The words were so new, they were almost foreign to him. But to her? When he said it to her it felt more right than any other words that he had ever uttered. She was quickly becoming the most important person in his life and it terrified him. When you gave someone a piece of your heart you were also giving them the power to hurt you.

But he trusted Spencer. He trusted her with his life and his heart and everything in between.

* * *

Their hotel was amazing. It was maybe a bit childish, but who didn't love Toy Story? Waking up every day to large recreations of Woody and Buzz outside of their windows was a perfect reminder of where they were.

Their time at Disney World was full of laughter and excitement. He loved absolutely every minute of it. Even though it was their last day the magic hadn't worn off. He chuckled at the way Spencer's eyes raked over Buzz Lightyear's giant likeness and squeezed her hand. "Should I be jealous?"

She nodded vigorously, her ponytail bouncing. "Absolutely. I was just considering how to get my new lover home."

He snorted. "It was hard enough for you to convince your parents that we were good together. Can I be in the room when you let them know that you're in love with an inanimate object?"

She shrugged. "Why not?"

He was going to continue to tease her, but his mom appeared with a shaky smile. "Your dad has decided that he has work to do, so why don't you kids go on?"

He opened his mouth to insist that she come with them, but Spencer spoke first. "No! You have to come with us!"

His mom hesitated. "Are you sure? I don't want to cramp your kids's style or whatever."

Toby reached out and gave his mom a hug with his free arm. "We want you to come."

Spencer nodded again, this time her ponytail smacked him in the face. He laughed and let go of her hand to lightly tug on her ponytail. "Are you doing that on purpose?"

She gave him innocent eyes that indicated a resounding yes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah sure," he snorted, sliding his hand into hers.

Their journey to Animal Kingdom was as uneventful as anything in Disney World could be. They ran into a crowd of toddlers in Mickey ears and nearly plowed into an elderly Russian man in their haste to escape their bus. Spencer laughed and leaned into his arms. There was something about this place that made it impossible to be sad. He grazed his lips over her hair and smiled. "What did you want to do here?"

"Everything!" Spencer was bouncing up and down like a little kid, and he kind of loved it. "But Mrs. Cavanaugh," she twisted in his arms so that she could see his mom. "You pick first!"

She looked taken aback. "Are you sure?"

If they weren't surrounded by thousands of little kids he would have kissed her for making his mom's face light up like that. "Yeah, pick something mom."

She bit down on her lip. "Can we ride that dinosaur ride? No one laugh, but I used to be obsessed with dinosaurs."

Spencer nodded vigorously, and this time he was pretty sure that she wasn't dialing up the enthusiasm. "Oh my God, I forgot how much I wanted to ride that! Let's go!" She grabbed his arm and linked arms with his mom with her other arm and began to bodily drag them through the crowded paths.

He was laughing now. He couldn't stop it. And he really didn't know whether he wanted to pull her aside and kiss her or let her go through the emotions. Because watching her childlike excitement was one of the his favorite things; the only exception was watching his mom and his girlfriend be exciting together. He didn't have a lot of people he couldn't do without. They were all right here, really. And it was perfect.

The dinosaur ride was a blur. Spencer sat between him and his mom, and watching their faces was the best. Spencer buried her face in his chest right about at the point a giant T-Rex was bearing down on their jeep. He was laughing and he couldn't stop. She was so outrageously adorable. He brushed his lips over the top of her head, and as he shifted he caught sight of a fond look on his mom's face. He shot her a questioning glance but she just shook her head.

After getting off of the ride and purchasing the absolutely priceless picture, they wondered back onto the paths. "What should we do now?" Spencer questioned. "We have Fast Passes for the safari thing at 5, so maybe we should just get something for dinner?"

He nodded agreeably. He could probably eat six of those turkey legs that they had passed earlier. But his mom steered them to some pizza place they had passed. "I don't know, I just think this looks really good. Is pizza okay with you guys?"

He glanced at Spencer and nodded when she seemed agreeable. "It does smell pretty fantastic."

They found a table, and he was going to offer to get their food. But Spencer gave them both her face that suggested she was not to be crossed. "I'm getting the food this time. You two sit and shut up," she grinned and threw her pony tail over her shoulder, flouncing off toward the counter.

"I like her."

He glanced at his mom with a grin. "I like her too."

She rolled her eyes and snorted. "I think your feelings go a fair bit beyond like."

His cheeks colored a bit. "Maybe." Was it weird to talk about this with your mom?

"Toby," she said gently, reaching out and taking his hand. "I've always worried about this with you. You're sweet and you're gentle and you feel with your whole heart. I was always scared the first girl you gave a piece of yourself to would take advantage of it. But I don't worry about that with Spencer."

He couldn't begin to describe what her approval meant to him. Her disapproval wouldn't have changed anything, he was too far in for that. But her approval meant the world. He wanted his mom to like his girlfriend, and she did. It was everything. He wanted to say more, but Spencer came back struggling with a tray full of food. He jumped up and caught her as she was halfway back to the table, taking the tray from her. It must have been really heavy for her, because she didn't complain about his infringing on her feminism.

As he sat the tray down in the middle of the table and settled back in, he was struck by just how amazing life could be. This was all that he ever wanted. Things had been rough with his mom, but maybe she was better now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry it's so long between chapters guys. I am pulling 12 hour days, preparing for my job! On the scary side, I start teaching summer school on Monday. Yikes! Wish me luck, and I will update as soon as something is done, I swear!**

Chapter 5

**May**

SPOV

She gathered her books to her chest and hurried to her locker. Toby hadn't been in school all day and she was worried. She hadn't been able to get a hold of him, and that was concerning. He never ignored her when she called. And she knew that she was coming across as a clingy girlfriend right now, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

"Spencer, are you coming with?"

She cringed slightly. She forgot that she had made plans with Hanna and Emily. "I just need to go check on Toby first. Can I meet you there?"

Hanna sighed dramatically, but there was still a smile on her face. "Is he sick? Are you going to nurse loverboy back to health?"

She hesitated. "I'm actually really worried about him. I've been texting him all day and he hasn't answered."

"He's probably just sleeping, you loser. Don't be paranoid!"

She smiled, but she still felt uneasy. It wasn't like Toby at all to ignore her all day. "I'm still going to check on him. I'll meet up with you guys in an hour or so."

Hanna nodded. "Okay!"

She tossed her books into her locker and hurried off toward her car. She was probably forgetting about her homework or something, but this was more important. On the surface level she was overreacting, but on the inside she knew that something was wrong. She couldn't explain it. She just knew.

Her fears are only confirmed as she pulled in front of the curb, timed to the flashing lights of the ambulance. Her heart dropped and she didn't even remember getting out of her car. The next thing she remembered was nearly collapsing in relief when she saw Toby. She had never hugged someone so intensely. Their skin smacked together and he held onto her as tightly as she clung to him. "Are you okay?" She whispered into his skin. "What-"

She felt him shake his head, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away to look at him. "C-can we go."

This time she forced herself to pull away, just far enough to see his face. "Where?"

"Anywhere but here." His cheeks were red and raw. She could see the ghost of a bruise on her cheekbone, which infuriated her. Who had hurt him? It hurt her heart to see him struggling like this though. She would do whatever he needed her to do.

She slid her arms down to his hands and took them in hers. "Let's go."

His front door slammed just as the ambulance pulled out, sirens blaring. "Toby!'

Toby jumped at the sound of his dad's wavering voice, his hands tightening around hers. She wasn't even sure that he notice the way he curled around her, completely blocking her from Mr. Cavanaugh's view. She didn't know what was going on, but she was able to surmise that clearly the person that the ambulance was there for was Mrs. Cavanaugh. She didn't know what had happened here, but she wasn't going to subject Toby to something that he wasn't comfortable with. She took his hand and tugged him toward her car. "You can stay with me," she whispered. Her words were so quiet that they lingered between only the two of them.

"Toby!" Mr. Cavanaugh's voice cracked as he approached them. "Toby, I'm sorry."

She felt for the man, she absolutely did. But Toby was her only priority. She could feel his hand shaking and his discomfort in the way that he drew her closer. Even still, he opened her door for her, waiting until she was settled in before shutting it and hurrying around to his side. "Go," he whispered as soon as he got in, his previously dry cheeks streaked with tears again. "Please just go."

She put her hand on his thigh, brushing over the denim with her thumb. "What happened, Toby?"

He waited until after she pulled away from the curb before answering. "My mom- she um- she took some pills, and-"

"No," she gasped. "I thought that she was doing better!"

"I did too," he whispered. "She was fighting with my dad. I stepped in, and that set him off more. But I wasn't going to listen to him talk to her like that. Ever since we got back from Florida she almost seemed like her old self. And then he-" Toby trailed off, glancing at her out of the corner of her eye.

"Did he hit you?" She could hear the answer in her voice, so he obviously did too.

He didn't answer for a long time. "He's never done it before. I know that doesn't make it okay, but it really was the emotions. My mom went upstairs after that, and I found her about ten minutes later, passed out with a bottle of pills in her hand."

She could talk for a week on the injustice of someone as perfect as Toby being disregarded like that by both of his parents. Mr. Cavanaugh had never been her favorite person, but Mrs. Cavanaugh was wonderful. She deserved better too. "Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"Am I a bad person if I say no? I mean, I do eventually. But right now I don't know if I can." He looked at her, really wanting an answer.

She pulled over to the side of the road and twisted in her seat, taking his face in her hands. She was shaking and she was sure that he could feel it. But she didn't care. "You are the best person that I know. And if you need to take some time for yourself there isn't a single person in the world who is going to blame you."

He nodded, using his hands to trap hers against his stubbly cheeks. She swallowed roughly. "Do you want to go to our spot? It's not too cold today."

He nodded again, his lips brushing against her temple. "I love you, Spencer." His voice broke. "Everything is so wrong, but this isn't. This isn't wrong."

She smiled sadly, leaning to kiss him softly. "You're the only thing that really makes sense in my life."

She got back down into the seat and pulled back out, silently driving up toward their spot above the city. They got out and walked together toward their usual rock. Toby was distracted, but he was still himself. He was still the person that she knew and loved. When she stumbled over a root he caught her, steadying her before the kept going. God, she loved him. And it was killing her to see him hurting.

They sat down together, and she immediately wrapped a single arm around his shoulders and pulled him against her. "Tell me what I can do."

He didn't answer for a really long time. "Just don't leave me."

She smiled and pressed her lips to the side of his head. "Never even crossed my mind."

* * *

She jumped slightly as her phone vibrated in her pocket. Somehow she had managed to doze off, and in the time since she last remembered her back became pressed flush against his chest. She slid her phone out of her pocket, but she didn't want to sit up. Toby's arms were her favorite place. No where else could she ever feel so safe and comfortable. She glanced down at her phone and bristled as Toby's dad's name flashed across her screen.

"Who is it?"

She loved the way that his words vibrated through her. "Your dad," she said reluctantly. "Should I answer it?"

"If you want," he said dully.

She sat up and shifted on the rock so that she was facing him. She gave him a long look before looking back down at her phone. It could be information that he needed, and maybe it was information that would be better from her. She answered the phone with a sigh. "Hello?"

_"Spencer? Is Toby still with you?"_

She took Toby's hand in her free one and gently brushed out a circle on his calloused skin. "Yes." Despite what appearances may or may not suggest, the last thing that she wanted to do was talk to this man. Especially after knowing that he had the audacity to hit Toby.

_"Can I talk to him? He isn't answering his phone."_

Had he even grabbed his phone? She hadn't seen. But regardless, there wasn't a chance in hell that she would like him rile him up again. "No, I don't think so. But if you need to tell him something I'd be happy to pass along the message." That was as much civility he was getting from her.

_"Spencer please. I know he had to have told you what happened, and I can't describe to you how sorry I am for that. But there are things that I need to tell him."_

"Hold on." Her voice was harder than she was usually comfortable with, but he honestly didn't deserve anything from her. "Do you want to talk to him," she said quietly. "It's okay if you don't."

Toby took the phone and held it to his ear, reluctance all over his face. "I'm here."

She watched the tension come back so quickly. Any headway she had made in calming him down was gone. She scooted forward, tossing her legs over one of his and bringing him back into her arms. He succumbed easily, his tense body melting into hers. But even still, he was so careful not to overburden her with his weight. "I'll be there soon." There was a pause as his dad asked him something. "No, I'll go with Spencer."

After he hung up the phone there was a long silence that was only punctuated by his heavy breaths. "Can you take me to the hospital?"

She nodded, her forehead balanced against his collarbone. "Are you cold?" She asked him quietly. He was trembling and she didn't know whether it was from the emotion or from the somewhat chilly air.

He shook his head. "I don't know what to feel right now."

She didn't blame him, because she didn't know what to feel. She didn't know how she could make this any better, but she did know that she was going to try. "Let's just go see your mom. We'll take it one step at a time."

She shifted out of his heavy arms and stood up, reaching out to him with both hands. When he grabbed her she gently pulled him up and into a hug. "I know everything is hard right now, but God, I love you. I love you so much. And I know that doesn't make anything better, but I'll never leave you."

"It does help a little," he whispered into her hair. "Dad said that she's awake and that she wanted to talk to me."

She pulled away, a wide smile on her face. It was shaky at best, but she was making an effort. "That's so great! Let's go!"

He returned her smile, and despite the way that it wavered, it made her feel better. Like maybe he will find a way to get through this. They walked together slowly to her car. Toby, as always, pulled open her door and helped her inside. It was hard sometimes, because she was a feminist. She didn't need anyway to take care of her. But she knew that he did it because he loved her, and that was enough to make it okay for her. She caught his hand before he could shut the door. "Hey," she whispered, tugging him down. "I love you," she breathed, brushing her lips over his.

"I love you too," he whispered, some of the vulnerability seeping back back into his voice.

Before she could say anything else he pulled away and walked around and back into his side of her car. She could see the tears lingering in his eyes so she didn't say anything. She just took his hand in hers and squeezed it lightly. It was a short drive, and it was silent the whole way. He needed time to process. That's how Toby was. He internalized things, and he needed that before seeing his parents.

They sat in the garage for awhile. She wasn't sure how long it was before he turned around and looked at her. "You'll come too, right?"

She nodded frantically. If he thought she was leaving him when he looked like that he was crazy. She got out of the car and walked to him, willing herself not to cry. No matter what the situation, she knew that if she cried that would be what he worried about. She took his hands and led him inside. They walked by reception and straight up to the room that Mr. Cavanaugh had directed them to. Her heart ached with every single step that they took, because she knew how much Toby loved his mom. They were like a team. Mr. Cavanaugh wasn't exactly man of the year, and they united in their desire to make it through his indifference and unacceptable levels of ire. And if she was giving up she was so scared that Toby would give up too.

She tried to stop as they approached the room, but Toby's grip was unyielding. He looked back at her, and the lost look in his eyes was all that it took to propel her forward. She stood slightly behind him, wanting to keep this as family an affair as possible. There was no denying that she was out of place.

"Mom?"

She bit down on her lip and glanced away to wipe away the tears that were trickling down her cheeks at the way his voice broke. This wasn't right. She briefly made eye contact with Mr. Cavanaugh, who was cowering in the corner, looking as small as she had ever seen him.

Mrs. Cavanaugh's voice was tiny and weak. "Toby," she whispered, holding out an arm for him. Spencer tugged her hand out of Toby's and stepped back. This time he let her go as he took a shaky step forward.

He latched onto his mom's hand with gentleness and urgency in equal measure. "Why did you do it?"

She was crying now. "I didn't mean too. I just w-wanted to sleep. I just wanted sleep."

He sat on the edge of the bed, looking significantly younger than his 17 years. He looked like a lost boy who just wanted his mom. If she hadn't promised him she would stay she would have ducked out by now. Because she felt supremely uncomfortable, like she was intruding on a family moment. Instead she settled down, ready to wait out what was sure to be a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

**IM STILL ALIVE. I got hella busy, I'm sorry! But update, I've finished and PASSED my institute with awesome scores btwwww, and I start in the classroom in about a month! Until then I will continue to update for you as much as I can! Don't you worry, I will update Remember Me soon. I will not abandon my stories, pinky promise. This one was just easier to get back into because each chapter kind of stands alone. I need to go back over and re-read what I already wrote for Remember Me. But it will get done.**

**UM SIDE NOTE IF THEY HURT TOBY ANGELBABY BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY CAVANAUGH NEXT WEEK I'M FLYING TO LA AND BURNING SHIT. Don't even ask me what happened in this episode because ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THE PROMO FOR NEXT WEEK.**

Chapter 6

June

Summer was the worst. But this summer might have been the worst of the worst. Going a month without Spencer, without his friends, was agony. But his dad decided that what their family needed after his mother's episode was a family vacation. A month in at the beach was nice, but it wasn't what they needed. He didn't know what his mom needed, but it clearly wasn't this.

As they drove into the outskirts of Rosewood he took in his mom's slumped shoulders and hung head with a frown. He didn't know what else he could do for her, but he had to keep trying. But as his phone vibrated on the seat next to him his mom all but left his mind.

He snatched it up and glanced at the text, a smile playing at his lips.

_'I miss you. Hurry up! -S'_

He typed out a quick response, telling her that he would be at her house the minute that he could escape. He couldn't wait to hold her. He couldn't wait to remember what it felt like to spend time with someone that he was sure would always be on his side. So the second they pulled up in front of his house he made some kind of poorly articulated excuse, jumped onto his motorcycle, and tore through the streets. He was driving like an idiot, but he was an excited teenager.

He stopped his motorcycle at the back of her long driveway and balanced it before striding up to their side door. He was prepared to fling the door open and tear through the house until he found her, but it wasn't necessary. She met him in the grass, barefoot and her hair thrown on top of her head in an adorable messy bun. They collided in the middle of the grass with a satisfying thunk. He managed to keep them upright, lifting her briefly off of her feet with the force of his hug. "I missed you," he whispered into her neck, relishing once again being lost in her scent. He loved her. God, he loved her.

"I missed you too!" She laughed into his neck. "You can't leave me for that long again."

He shook his head, nuzzling his nose into her hair. "I don't plan on it," he chuckled. "You don't leave me either."

She just shook her head as he lowered her back to her feet. "Come on. Let's go inside."

He hesitated, lacing their fingers together. "Can we actually go somewhere else? I'm not ready to be cooped back up."

She nodded. "Yeah, of course. Just let me change."

He rolled his eyes, tightening his hand around hers. "You look beautiful. Are you okay on my bike or do you want to drive?"

She led him in the direction of his motorcycle. "I never have a problem with your bike. It's kind of hot, actually."

He rolled his eyes again, handing her the helmet he kept for her. As an afterthought he slid out of his hoodie, handing it to her. Sometimes the fast air stung and her arms were bare. She climbed on, loosely wrapping her arms around him.

It just felt right having her pressed up against him, her arms tightening around his waist as they turned, her breath warming his neck, her legs rubbing against his. It was perfect. Everything was perfect.

He pulled into the parking lot, stopping in their normal spot, just down the path from where they liked to sit. "I missed you," he said softly, repeating himself. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

She smiled and slid off of his bike, stepping immediately into his ready arms. "I have an idea." She hesitated. "How is your mom? Is she doing better?"

He shrugged, not really wanting to lie to her, but also not really wanting to kill the mood. "I don't want to talk about it," he said softly. "Can we think about other things right now?"

She nodded. "Let's go get ice cream when we leave here. I haven't been able to do much this summer because of my classes at Hollis. I need a life again."

He smirked. She was always making him do that. "Will you actually let me buy it?"

She snorted. "Not a chance in hell." She did let him lead he down the path though, and as far as Spencer was concerned that was a massive sacrifice. He tugged her down onto her rock and finally felt himself relaxing as she backed against his chest. It was like everything was right in the world again. "I missed you," Spencer sighed, vocalizing his own thoughts.

He hummed in agreement. "Right there with you," he murmured into her hair.

It was a long time before they spoke again. Neither of them wanted to end their moment together. But nothing good lasted, not for him. He felt Spencer's breathing change, and he immediately knew that she was going to say something that he didn't necessarily want to hear. "Tell me what happened with your mom, Toby."

He cringed. "Spence-"

She shifted in his arms, turning around and cutting him of with a gentle brush of her lips. "You don't have to tell me anything, but I can see that you're holding something back. If it will help to talk to me I'm here to listen."

He kept his lips hovering just over hers for a moment before going in for one last soft kiss. "It started out fine," he whispered, willing himself not to get emotional. "Great, even. We didn't do much, mom wasn't up for leaving the room, but it was still nice. But that all went to hell like it always did."

_"Marion I paid good money for this trip! You need to leave the room!"_

_She didn't even respond to his father. She put a pillow over her head and groaned. "Just leave me alone."_

_Toby didn't know if he should intervene or not. It would make his dad more angry, but he also didn't want him talking to his mom like that. Especially not after she was starting to act like herself again. His dad tugged at the pillow, yanking it up and off of her head. "Why won't you come outside?"_

_Marion curled up in herself, making a tight ball out of her body. "They're out there."_

_He had officially had enough. He would handle this with more grace than his dad would. "Mom, who's out there? What are you afraid of."_

_Her clammy hand latched around his wrist. "You have to stay in too, Toby. You're too good. They'll go after you first."_

_"Mom-"_

_She sat up so quickly that her back cracked audibly. "Toby," she said earnestly, tears clinging to her eyelashes. "promise me you won't go outside."_

_He didn't know what to do. "I promise," he said softly._

He didn't speak when he finished. What use would it be? He didn't have anything to say. He didn't know what to do. But he did know that if he trusted anyone to know what to do it would be Spencer. She was the smartest person that he had ever met.

She didn't speak either. Her gentle fingers ran up and down the exposed skin of his forearms. Up and down, up and down, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. It had only been about a month, but in that time he forgot what it felt like to be around someone who he knew loved him without conditions. His mom loved him, sure, but that was different. He had to talk care of her, to be on her side. But Spencer? She would unwaveringly be on his side. He knew that, and that's why he trusted her to give him the hard truths.

He kept his eyes on her face, knowing that she would talk when she had something to say. And when she began to chew on her bottom lip he knew that she was ready to talk. "What is it, Spence?" He brushed the back of his hand over her cheek.

"I just-" she hesitated, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes. And for a moment she looked so outrageously adorable that he forgot what they were there for. She took one of his hands and pressed a purposeful kiss to each of his knuckles. "I wonder if she needs help."

"What do you mean?" He wasn't following her. "What kind of help?"

She looked at him so sadly that he thought that he might cry. Spencer took his other hand. "After everything that happened last year," she didn't need to elaborate, because he wouldn't soon be forgetting Spencer's desperation and tears, "I talked to Dr. Sullivan a lot. I know you remember. You drove me to more appointments than my parents did. And it helped a lot. I don't know if I would have got through it without her. Maybe your mom could use someone to talk to too."

He didn't want to talk about this anymore. Not when there wasn't anything he could do about it, and especially not when he was finally with Spencer again. Maybe it made him the worst son on the planet, but he didn't want to think about his mom anymore. He just wanted to be a teenager. He wanted to make out with his girlfriend and he wanted to see his friends. He wanted to forget that he was the freak with the messed up mom for just a minute.

So that's what he did.

* * *

He had no idea how long they had been at it, but as soon as he felt her shiver he tore his lips from hers. "Sorry. I'm sorry, I just got-"

She giggled, tucking her face into his neck. "Are you kidding? I was a more than willing participant," she laughed, her words slightly muffled by his skin. But her breath against his neck warmed him in more ways than one.

He wished that he had a jacket to give her, but he didn't. "Are you ready to go get that ice cream now? I about pulled away ten minutes ago. I wasn't sure if it was your stomach or an earthquake," he teased.

She let out an indigent gasp, which was what he was shooting for. "I think you were feeling your own hunger pains reflected back at you." She smacked his shoulder and stood up. "But yeah, let's go."

He pushed a low branch out of the way for her as they ducked down the uneven path. For some reason it felt even more isolated than usual. Maybe it was the fact that there wasn't a single car parked alongside his motorcycle, or maybe it was the fact that he was coming to realize that he could be completely alone in the world with Spencer and he would be fine. As long as he had her the rest didn't matter. And that thought both scared the hell out of him and exhilarated him. It was a dangerous thing, allowing your happiness and well-being to get so intricately intertwined with someone else's.

He popped open the small holding area on his bike and handed Spencer the sweatshirt he kept tucked away in there. He also handed her the helmet, caring significantly more about her safety than his own. She rolled her eyes, but she pulled the helmet on in the end, knowing from that he wasn't going to go anywhere until she complied. "Where am I going?"

"Just go to the Brew," she said, "unless you really have your heart set on ice cream. Iced coffee and a pastry sound way better to me now."

"You got it."

The drive wasn't long. He wished that it was longer, because there wasn't a thing in the world that he enjoyed more than the feeling of her arms around him. He wasn't confident about much, but he knew that whatever she was feeling was one of his physical strengths. Which meant that she could touch him there all day if she wanted too. But sadly, as they pulled up to the Brew she let him go and climbed off of the bike.

The grin on her face was nearly his undoing. She handed him back the helmet and wrapped her arms around him in a hug as soon as both of her hands were free. "You need to drive more often. Because that's-"

She blushed a little bit, showing him that she felt the same way about it all that he did. "I know," he murmured. "I'll take you home the long way."

She grinned. "I love you."

He took a small step forward, quickly closing the distance between the two of them. "I love you more than I can tell you, Spencer. More all the time."

Her fingers curled around his biceps, giving her leverage to reach up and kiss him, much too passionately for their very public setting. "You can't leave me for that long again," she whispered against his lips. "I don't know how I made it this long without you."

Guilt burned in his chest. All this time he was just thinking about himself, but this had to have been hard on her too. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "No," she whispered. "that's not what I meant, I just- when we're apart-"

He nodded. "I know. It's not good." He kissed her again. "I won't leave you, Spencer."

"You promise?" Her need for affirmation showed him that he was doing a terrible job of reminding her just how important she was to him.

"Spencer," he whispered, taking her face in his hands. "There isn't a single person on this planet that means more to me. I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded, wiping away a stray tear. She laughed a little bit. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm being like this."

"Hey," he kept his voice low. "you never have to apologize to me. I've told you that before. Never be afraid to tell me what you need."

She just took a step forward, into his waiting arms. "I love you," she repeated, more fervently this time.

He pressed his face into her hair, feeling positive that she was going to be the only thing to get him through whatever was to come. "I love you too," he whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

**THIS IS GOING TO BE TWO CHAPTERS. Like July will be two chapters, just so you know. This one from Spencer's POV and the next from Toby's. Sorry about this, lol. Not really. This is actually a pretty decent chapter, if I do say so myself :)**

Chapter 7

July

SPOV

This was not a good idea. But she didn't have the heart to tell him so when he looked at her with his big, hopeful eyes. And he did spend more time with his mom than she did. Maybe he knew better.

But as she drove down the uncharacteristically busy streets of Rosewood she felt a feeling that was akin to dread. She could see the shaking of Mrs. Cavanaugh's hands and the apprehension in her eyes. She wasn't ready for this. But regardless, she thought as she pulled into a spot, she would keep an eye on her.

A cover of ominous looking clouds covered the sky. It was hardly the perfect day, but maybe the rain could hold off until after the fireworks.

"I love the 4th of July," she said in a voice that was much cheerier than she was feeling. She sighed internally. Really, all she wanted was to curl up under a blanket with Toby by her side. But he thought this was what his mom needed, and she wanted nothing more than to oblige him. He needed her a lot more than she needed to have a good holiday.

Toby smiled sadly at her and slid out of the car. She slowly unbuckled her seat belt and managed to wrap her fingers around the handle before he was opening the car door for her. She laughed, despite the tiny, feminist side that was protesting. He took her hand, helping her up out of her SUV and shut the door behind her. "Mom, what do you want to look at first?" He asked, punctuating his works with a soft kiss to the side of Spencer's head.

Spencer smiled into the fabric of his t-shirt. He was such a good son. It was a sure bet that if he treated his struggling mom this way he would treat anyone with this kind of respect. She could just imagine him with his own kids one day; he would be the kindest, most gentle dad in the world. "Yeah, Mrs. Cavanaugh! There's a ton to do. We better get moving if we want to see it all before the fireworks."

Toby gave her a grateful squeeze as Mrs. Cavanaugh began to speak in her raspy voice. "Can we just go look at the booths?"

She nodded eagerly. "That's my favorite thing! My mom gave me some money anyway. She's off in Seattle being a lawyer this week and wants me to pick her up some apple butter."

Toby snorted. "Do they not have lawyers in Seattle?"

She rolled her eyes, stepping out of his embrace but keeping a tight hold on his hand. "Enough out of you," she said, shooting him a smile so he knew that she was kidding. "You think we can ditch him without being mean?" Spencer laughed, linking her free arm with Mrs. Cavanaugh's.

Mrs. Cavanaugh smiled tiredly. "The guilt would ruin my night. Maybe we should keep him around."

She sighed dramatically like it was a huge chore to keep the person that mattered the most to her in the world around. "I guess. No more sass though," she twisted, and kissed him quickly. "Can we go look for the tube top, apple butter lady so that I can get my daughter duties out of the way?"

"Spencer!"

She grinned and dropped Toby's hand, intent on finding Hanna. She didn't have to, because the second that she turned around Hanna hit her with a hug that would have sent them both to the ground if Toby's hand hadn't steadied her from behind. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too, Han!" She laughed. Two weeks without her best friend was two weeks too many. Toby had just gotten back, so she was filling up on the presence of her favorite people after a series of lengthy absences. "Have you seen-"

"Apple butter tube top lady?" Hanna finished with a laugh. She grinned and explained when she saw Spencer's questioning face. "Your mom called her favorite almost daughter this morning, figuring that you would forget her apple butter. So she asked me to do it instead?" Hanna grinned and held up a plastic bag. "Can we go look at the craft booths now?"

Spencer glanced back at Toby and Mrs. Cavanaugh uneasily. "Mrs. Cavanaugh, that's what you wanted to do, right?"

She nodded hesitantly. "But don't feel like you kids have to keep the old lady company. I can go figure something out."

Hanna stepped forward and wrapped an arm around the older woman's shoulders. "You have to come with us, Mrs. C. I'm re-doing my room, so I need all the advice I can get."

As the two of them walked off together Spencer hung back to take a second with Toby. "She looks like she might be doing a little better?" She asked hopefully.

Toby gave her a half smile. "Maybe. But either way, thanks for doing this. I know it can't be-"

"Hey," she interrupted him by lightly brushing her lips over the top of his. "Anytime, anywhere. You know that."

He nodded. "I just wish-"

She interrupted him with another kiss, not at all willing to listen to his self-deprecating talk. "Are you done?" She whispered, her lips still just barely touching his.

She felt him smile against her. "I don't know? If I say no will it get you to kiss me like that again?"

She laughed, kissing him again, this time it was less gentle. She worked to put every ounce of love that she had for him into that one kiss. It was far too passionate for their public setting, but she was so far part caring. He needed to remember how loved he way. He was loved by so many people, and his family's inability to show that to him didn't change that at all.

* * *

"The fireworks have been canceled. Please return to your homes immediately. Take shelter in the community building if you aren't from Rosewood.

Lightning flashed across the sky in a brilliant display, albeit not the one that they had been counting on. It was nearing 10 o'clock, just as the fireworks were schedule to be lit off as the weather alerts collectively began to go off on everyone's phones and radios. A significant storm was working its way toward them. Storms were basically the bane of her entire existence. She hated driving in them, but she hated even more that she was going to have to go back to her empty house in the midst of the chaos.

They knew there had been a chance of storms, but it was supposed to be later and they weren't supposed to be severe. But she supposed that the weather was nothing if not unpredictable.

The wind started to pick up as they were hurrying back to her car, and literally, without any warning at all, the heavens opened up and rain began to pour down on them. It was akin to being under a waterfall. Toby's arms were burdened with all of their purchases. She had tried to take something off of him, but he wouldn't hear of it. He just nudged her forward.

Now, as her hair flopped in front of her face in a drenched mop of curls, she was grateful for it. She couldn't see, and she was barely managing to stay on her feet as they walked quickly through the soaked grass. But the fact that she looked like she just stepped out of a swimming pool was the least of her concern. Mrs. Cavanaugh lagged a good 10 feet behind them, barely matching the speed of a snail.

She glanced at Toby before doubling back behind him. "Mrs. Cavanaugh?" She yelled, trying to be heard over the pounding rain. She let out a prominent shiver. "We need to hurry back to our car, okay?"

Mrs. Cavanaugh gave no notice of having heard her. She kept walking in the same slow manner as she had before, so Spencer took her arm and began dragging her toward the car. They were getting closer. She could see the shiny black of her SUV amidst a sea of blue and red vehicles. Just as they were about on the sidewalk either she or Mrs. Cavanaugh missed a step. It didn't matter whose fault it was because it brought them both to the ground in a massive mud puddle. "This is ridiculous," she yelled. She was half frustrated and half amused.

Toby hesitated, his arms too full to help. She fished her keys out of her pocket and tossed them to him. He could get out of the rain while she was helping his mom up. He barely managed to catch them and gave her an apologetic look before turning and moving much more quickly than he had been. He was a gentleman to a fault. He didn't have to get more wet because they were a clumsy mess.

"Okay, Mrs. Cavanaugh," she yelled at the unresponsive woman. "I'm not sure what's wrong, but if I get sick from this I'm sending you the hospital bill," she teased. Maybe a joke would help her snap out of it.

When that didn't work she sighed and slowly pulled herself out of the mud, her entire body disgusting and wet. Then she took each of Mrs. Cavanaugh's arms and tried to pull her up. As she was yanking her feet slid out from under her and she landed back in the mud puddle with a disgusting squelching noise. "Mrs. Cavanaugh!" She had tried patience, and now she was getting frustrated. She tried to stand up again, but Mrs. Cavanaugh's fingers wrapped around her wrist, almost painfully.

She yelped, trying to tug her wrist out of her tight grip. Mrs. Cavanaugh didn't relent, pulling her back down. "They're everywhere," she whispered fiercely.

"W-what?" She stuttered, the cold finally starting to get to her. She hadn't ever spent this long in rain this torrential.

Before she could question her further a pair of strong arms was lifting her out of the mud. She tilted her head back, but she didn't have to. She knew it was Toby. He was grinning at her, obviously he hadn't heard his mom's creepy warning. "You look like a drowned rat," he teased, smoothing her hair back. "Come on, let's get out of the rain. I'll get my mom."

She just looked down at Mrs. Cavanaugh for another second before nodding. She was too cold to be helpful out her. She squeezed Toby's bicep and slipped away, through the already flooded streets and ducked into her car. They were all drenched. Her car was going to be a disgusting mess, but she could deal with that before her dad got back from Boston tomorrow. She sat in the driver's seat and cranked the heat all the way up. She held her trembling hands out in front of her, warming them by the vent.

Her arms were coated in a thin layer of mud, as was most of her body. She needed a shower, and honestly, she really needed to get away from Mrs. Cavanaugh, whose panic and silence were starting to genuinely freak her out. Toby helped Mrs. Cavanaugh into the seat next to her, quickly buckling her seat belt before jumping in the back himself. "Spence, do you need me to drive?"

She smiled at him in the mirror. "No, I'm alright. Are you guys okay?"

"Just wet," he grimaced at his muddy shirt. "I'll help you clean your car tomorrow, okay?"

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Dad left me his credit card. I'll take it in to be cleaned tomorrow."

Toby nodded. "Okay. I'll come with you though, if that's okay."

She smiled again, as she eased the car in to drive. It was always okay if he wanted to come with her. She bit down on her lip and leaned forward, trying to see the flooded street between rain drops. She managed to make it down Main Street fairly easily, but it was when she turned on to the highway that things got a little more difficult. She jumped as something brushed against her waist. Her seat belt clicked as Mrs. Cavanaugh unbuckled it. "What are you doing?" She asked tensely, as the seat belt snapped around the front of her, quickly retracting into the door.

"Trade places with me," Mrs. Cavanaugh said softly. "They're everywhere, Spencer. You almost hit one."

"Mom, sit down," Toby tried to sound soothing, but she could hear the tension in his voice.

Spencer cringed as a semi shot past them, making her car jerk and spraying it with thick stream of water. She was too scared to take a hand off the wheel, the puddles of water cause the car to jerk as she drove through them.

"_Spencer!" _Mrs. Cavanaugh shrieked. "They're blocking the road! Stop the car!"

Spencer jumped at the unexpected volume, the car swerving, but she managed to correct it quickly.

"**Mom!**" She had never heard Toby yell like that before, and if she wasn't so frightened it would have been pretty attractive.

She didn't even know what happened next. Mrs. Cavanaugh lurched as far in her direction as her seat belt would allow and took the wheel, jerking it roughly in her own direction. She scrambled, trying to correct it, taking the wheel back, but Mrs. Cavanaugh was stronger than she looked.

Spencer screamed as the car spun out of control across two lanes of traffic. Her lack of a seat belt allowed her body to fly into the dashboard, quickly knocking all the air from her lungs.

Her mind was fuzzy. She heard yells and a crunching noise just before the car came to a complete stop. Her body flew forward and the last thing she knew before passing out was a firey pain.


	8. Chapter 8

**I lied to you, I guess. The next chapter is also going to be July, but it's going to be a few days after this.**

**I don't have a lot to say other than THANK YOU SO MUCH for your continued support. You guys are the literal best in the whole world. **

Chapter 8

July

TPOV

Everything hurt. That was the first thing that he realized. He pried his eyes open and looked around wildly. This wasn't right. What exactly happened was hazy, but the details didn't matter. He had to get them out of this.

He coughed violently. His arm and his chest were equally in fire, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered when the only two people in the world that mattered to him were unmoving in the front seat. "Spencer?"

He was worried about his mom, but he was also so angry with her that he couldn't even see straight. He would help her, but he was certainly going to focus on Spencer first. He groaned as he shifted. Somehow the car landed on its side. He reached up, trying to push open the door that wasn't trapped, but it wouldn't budge. The window was slightly cracked, but not enough that he thought he could get through it without seriously injuring himself. He couldn't help Spencer or his mom if he couldn't walk. He tilted his head back and focused in on the splintered back window.

Blood dripped down his forehead and into his eyes, but none of that mattered right now. Besides the pain in his arm it was all inconsequential, and he could handle that. He rammed his heel into the back window until it completely shattered away. He held his arm to his chest as he shimmied out of the back of the car. He had wondered why no one was helping them, but as soon as he saw that they were at the bottom of a steep, tree-lined embankment he understood. Between that camouflage and the torrential rain, it was likely that the slow moving traffic didn't see them.

Spencer's side of the car was on the ground, so he quickly climbed up the side of the car and yanked his mom's car open. Her eyes were wide and her hands were visibly shaking. He took her arm and yanked her out of the car. He wanted to shake her until she saw sense. He wanted to shake her until whatever was going through her mind was straightened out.

Her eyes locked on him and her lips started to waver. "Toby, what did I do?"

He didn't have time for this. He gently lowered her to the ground, her feet gently squelching against the muddy ground. He climbed down into the car, cradling his arm against his chest. He had a feeling that he was going to have to carry Spencer out, and that was going to hurt like hell. But that didn't matter. He slid in next to her, biting back tears at the sight of her bloody face. He could hear her labored breathing, and that scared him more than anything.

"Spence," he whispered, brushing his fingers over her arm. "Spence, just open your eyes."

He ripped a strip of fabric off the bottom of his shirt and gently tilted her chin up, wiping some of the blood off of her face. Her face was always pale, but it was a frightening translucent shade right now. Her lips were a subtle shade of blue. Moving her felt like a bad idea, but it was a worse idea to leave her in a wrecked car. Lifting on his injured arm also felt like a bad idea, but he couldn't leave her behind anymore than he could saw off his arm and leave that behind.

"I'm so sorry if it hurts," he whispered to her, cradling her to his chest. He cried out at her weight against his arm, but he pushed through it, shimmying his way out of the car. He covered her head with his body as he somehow managed to get out of the car. His mom handed him the jacket she had been wearing. "Cover her with this," she whispered through her tears. "God, Toby, I'm so sorry."

He shook his head, tucking the jacket over Spencer. He wasn't ready to talk to his mom yet. He couldn't do it rationally and without yelling at her. She was clearly sick, but this was also 100% her fault that Spencer was laying broken in his arms. "Spencer," he murmured. "Spence, wake up."

She let out an agitated moan, shifting weakly in his arms. His heart jumped at her movement. It was a good sign. "Spencer?"

She pried open her eyes and the fluttered a few times. He looked into her eyes and was alarmed by the dullness in what was typically her bright, happy brown. Her breathing was labored but she didn't focus on anything. "Come on, mom," he murmured. He walked down the path, looking for a less steep way to get up.

"Toby." She sounded like she was in pain, but she was on her feet. He had to focus on Spencer.

"Come on," he repeated. His eyes locking on a slight slant. He gritted his teeth and slipped a few times, ankle deep in the mud. He almost fell once, but he kept it together, keeping tightly a hold of Spencer.

As soon as they got to the side of the road he cried out in pain and slid to the ground, cradling Spencer's unresponsive form against his chest. He was pretty sure that his arm was broken, but he could deal with that later. His mom crouched down next to them and put a shaking hand on his shoulder. "Toby, I'm so sorry."

"Why?" He asked her, his voice heavy with desperation. "Why did you do it?"

"I saw something," she sobbed. "There was something big and terrifying in the road. I thought I was helping."

"You need help mom." The words burned as the came out. It felt wrong, but there was no denying it anymore.

* * *

He was curled up in a chair, his plaster wrapped arm against his chest. He didn't want to move or breath or sleep until he knew that she was okay. He had to see that she was okay before he did anything else. But he also had some decisions to make. Because this could never happen again. He thought of his mom up in the psyche ward and he thought of Spencer down the hall in the ICU... he couldn't have them both. That much has been made absolutely clear but what did he do?

He loved them both. He loved his mom... she was the only parent that had ever showed him an iota of attention. She had taken care of him when he was sick, and now she was sick. Wasn't his duty to take care of her too? But Spencer. God, Spencer. He loved her so much. He loved her with every single part of him. She was his whole world, and he couldn't imagine being happy without her. But he was okay being miserable as long as she was safe. Today made it glaringly obvious that she wasn't safe around his mom.

It was in Spencer's nature to want to help. If she was around she would do what she could to help. But that got her hurt. What the hell was he supposed to do? He couldn't abandon his mom, but could he abandon his heart?

"Toby?"

His head jerked up with a crack as Melissa walked into the room. "She's awake, but she's not really all that aware right now. She's on quite the assortment of drugs. But if you want to go see her you can."

"Is she okay?" He asked desperately, standing all the way up.

Melissa nodded, but it wasn't convincing. "Apparently she broke four ribs when she hit the dashboard, and one of those ribs punctured her lung pretty severely. It was almost completely collapsed by the time she got here. She hit her head too, but it looked a lot worse than it was."

"Are your parents-"

Melissa smiled sadly. "They're pretty pissed, but I think everything will be fine when they see that Spencer's okay. But also, Spencer's not going to let them do anything, you know that."

Maybe she should. But he couldn't say that. He couldn't vocalize not being on his mom's side. He just nodded and followed Melissa into Spencer's room. When he saw her he nearly turned and ran the other way. This was his fault. He knew that things were getting worse with his mom. Why the hell had he thought that it was a good idea to have them around each other? And why the hell hadn't he insisted on driving home?

He sat down on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his, just keeping his eyes on her blank face. Her eyes were dull and the oxygen mask took up most of her face. But the slow, rise and fall of her chest made him realize that maybe everything would be okay. If nothing else, _she _would be okay, and that was going to be true whether or not he was there to experience it with her.

He loved her. He loved her so much, but how could he stay when his presence was continuously causing her risk and pain? He couldn't leave his mom, and he didn't want to leave Spencer. But he would make the hard choice to keep her safe if he had to.


	9. Chapter 9

**I hope you guys like this, because it's significantly different than I planned on it going. But I went with what I thought the characters would do. PLEASE let me know.**

**Yesterday's episode?! I THINK that I loved it, but I'll let you know next chapter for sure lol. I'm working on a one shot to correspond with it. I'm not sure if I'll publish it, but I think that I will. It depends on how it turns out.**

**ANYWAY, review as you always do because you da best. :) LOVE YOU GUYS. I have 5 more days off before I start training again, so I will inevitably get a few more updates snuck in! :)**

Chapter 9

TPOV

He had to do it.

But even as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye he didn't know how. How was he supposed to push away the only person in the world who he was sure loved him, who he was sure that he loved without feeling obligated or guilty? How was he supposed to hurt the only person on the planet he was sure loved him unconditionally, who loved him for who he was and not who she thought that he could or should be? How was he supposed to do this?

He had to do it. He had been putting it off, but he had to do it. His mom- he had only been able to see her once, but she wasn't getting any better. What kind of son would he be if he abandoned her in her time of need? But what kind of boyfriend was he if he ditched Spencer right as she was leaving the hospital? He didn't know what to do.

He kept saying that, but he knew exactly what he had to do. He had to convince Spencer that he didn't want her anymore, because that was the only way that she was going to leave him. And _her _making the choice to leave _him _was going to be the only way that he could keep her safe. If she thought that he was doing it to help her she would never go. And having her safe was so much more important to him than anything else. He just didn't **want **to do what he knew was necessary.

So he wrapped a solid arm around her shoulder as he walked her into her house. She felt so right against him. Was that a sign from the universe? Should he take that as an indication that he shouldn't break her heart? "Thank you," she murmured, pressing her face into his chest.

His chest ached. He wanted to pull her to a stop and kiss her and remind her that she was everything to him. But he couldn't. He was never going to convince her of what he needed to if he did that. "Mhmm," he hummed softly. He brushed his free hand over her temple, unable to stop himself from checking on her. He was satisfied with her cool temperature.

"Are your parents home?" He asked her softly. He put a hand on the small of her back and led her inside the house.

She shook her head. "Once you offered to bring me home they bounced pretty fast. They'll be home tonight maybe?"

He nodded. Was that better or worse? He wasn't sure. "Do you want to stay down here or do you want me to help you upstairs?"

She snorted. "I'm not an invalid, Toby. I can get myself upstairs if you have to go."

"Why do you think I have to go?" He asked softly.

She twisted and gave him a look. "Are you kidding?"

He couldn't help but let a quiet chuckle out before turning solemn again. "I was actually wondering if I could talk to you first." He didn't want to do this. He didn't, but he had to. He had to do it, because how else was he going to keep her safe? He couldn't abandon his mom, but he couldn't see this happen again. He couldn't think of another way.

But God, he didn't want too.

She's look became questioning. "Is everything okay?"

"Let's go upstairs," he said softly. She said she was fine, but she was still a little bit shaky. He didn't want to leave her somewhere she didn't want to be, and he was pretty sure that she was going to want to be in her room after this conversation.

Was he doing the right thing? That was the only thought in his mind as their soft footsteps echoed through the narrow hallway. Was this what he should be doing? Maybe he could keep Spencer and his mom apart.

But even as the thought ran through his mind he knew that he couldn't do it. It posed too many risks, and it completely ignored Spencer's personality. If he needed help there's wouldn't be anything that would keep her away. He was going to have to convince her that this was what he wanted.

"Toby?" She took his hand and looked at him, worry in her eyes. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

He bit down hard on his lip. "Spencer-"

She shrugged out of her arms and led him down onto the bed. "Talk to me. What's wrong, Toby?"

He was going to cry and he wasn't going to be able hold it in. "Spence-" he swallowed roughly. "I can't- I think that-"

She smiled sadly and sat down next to him. "I know what you're doing. I've been waiting for it. And if you think for a second I'm going to let you do it you don't know me at all."

"What do you mean?" He asked her softly. But honestly? Was he surprised if she really had managed to figure everything out? She was the smartest person he had ever known.

She cupped a hand around his knee and sat down next to him. "You're nothing if you aren't selfless, Toby Cavanaugh. But I swear to God, if you try to be all noble and break up with me I'll punch you in the nuts."

He laughed despite himself, tears trickling down his cheeks at the same time. It was like once he let one emotion out the rest burst out of him. One crack in his facade let everything come pouring out. His tears quickly transformed into pained sobs. Spencer moved her hand from his knee and gently lowered him down until his head was resting in her lap. Her fingers ran through his messy hair. "It's okay. Let it out."

"Y-you could have d-died," he choked out between the tears. "You could have d-died and it would have been all my f-fault."

"No," Spencer disagreed lightly. "It would have been an accident, plain and simple."

"I don't think you get it," he whispered. If he talked any louder he was going to embarrass himself further. He was supposed to be the strong one. "I literally pulled your body out of your smashed up car. I _thought _I lost you for a second. I thought that I lost you and I can't ever feel like that again."

"So what you're saying is you'd rather I be safe and miserable?" Her voice hardened incrementally.

When he heard her say it it sounded so much worse, but wasn't that the exact thought he had been weighing in his mind the past few days? This wasn't working. He had to change tactics. When he didn't say anything Spencer took his silence as confirmation, so she continued. "That's maybe the most insulting thing I've ever heard you say. I get that you're trying to be protective and romantic or whatever, but don't you dare take my choice away from me, Toby. There isn't a single circumstance where I wouldn't pick you. I don't care what happens."

He sat up, putting a hand on either side of her face. She had to understand why he was doing this. He was going to try to play hardass, but that wasn't working. He had to make her understand. "If I lost you I wouldn't have anything."

"Cutting me out doesn't really bode well for that, does it?" She snapped, jerking away. She winced a little bit as she stood up, clearing out of the spot next to him. She groaned.

"Spencer," he murmured, quickly standing up and going to her. How did he ever think that he was going to be able to do this? "Careful."

She jerked away from him, facing the wall. He didn't relent, gently grabbing her arms and turning her to face him. "You need to be careful."

She laughed bitterly. "Now you care what I do?"

He tightened his grip on her waiting for her to look at him with her teary eyes before continuing. "God, Spence- I always care. You know that. I always care. That's why I thought I had to do this. You would be safe if I did it."

She yanked her arms out of his hands and put her hands on his face. "Listen to me and hear me. I don't want to be safe if I don't have you."

He nodded, putting his hands on top of hers. "Okay," he whispered. "Okay, I'm sorry." He ducked down and put his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry." He wasn't apologizing for the idea. It was the right thing. He was apologizing for what he was going to have to do once he calmed her down.

"You can't leave me," she said, her eyes closed and her hands still on his face.

He whipped away her lingering tears with a swipe of his thumb. "I'm not going anywhere. But..." he trailed off. How could he say this without looking like the world's biggest bastard?

She frowned. "You want me to stay away from your mom?"

It would never fail to astound him just how well she knew him. "It's not safe.""

She didn't talk for a long minute. "I don't like it, but I will do that if you want me to."

He couldn't stand any distance between them any longer. He pulled her against his chest, lightly rocking her back and forth. "I love you. Don't ever doubt that, Spencer. _I love you. _It was a stupid, dumbass decision, but I thought that it was the right thing to do." It is a stupid idea, but he still had to do it.

"You got to stop doing the right thing," she laughed tiredly. "Can we just take a nap?"

He nodded. "That sounds like the best idea that you've had all week," he tugged her over and down onto the bed. He could go once she was asleep. He was a fucking coward, but he didn't have the strength to see any more pain in her eyes.

She giggled as she fell into his chest and wiped away the last of her tears. "Promise you aren't going to do that again."

He buried his nose in her hair and just breathed her soothing scent. "As long as you'll promise me that you will do what I asked," he sighed. He wasn't going to promise anything he couldn't keep. He never wanted to lie to her.

"Don't be a dipshit," she mumbled. "I'm tired and I'm going to fall asleep and you had better be here when I wake up."

He lowered her down to the bed, wrapping a solid arm around her shoulders. "Sleep, sweetheart. I won't go anywhere."

She mumbled something, but he couldn't understand it. He used his free hand to methodically stroke her hair the way that he knew that she liked it. It wasn't long until her breathing evened out and she laid heavily against him. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. Every single part of him told him to stay, but he couldn't. He couldn't do it, because he knew her. She wasn't going to relent. She wasn't going to stay away from his mom. He pressed a long kiss to her hair, hating himself with every move that he made.

He hated himself. He pulled himself up from the bed and walked toward the door, his chest burning with the hatred he felt for himself. The tears that he was able to stop when he was convincing her were back full force. He hated himself more and more with every step that he took and every breath that he breathed in.

He was despicable. He was the worst. He was breaking her, he knew that. But it was in the name of saving her, and that was all that mattered.

She would know what he was doing, but hopefully she would be too mad to do anything about it. He couldn't do this to her. He was condemned to this life because it was his mom, but Spencer didn't have to be. She didn't have to be and he wouldn't let her. He would set her free because that was what she deserved. As he pulled his car away from the curb he allowed himself one more lingering look back at her house, his heart twisting in agony. God, he hated himself.

He was the worst. But it was okay, because any pain he was causing her was reflected tenfold in his own heart. He didn't know how he was going to survive without her, but maybe that was his penance. Maybe that was all he deserved.

SPOV

She loved him. She loved him, but in this moment she didn't feel any of that. All she felt was a burning hatred for his stupid, selfless, dumb ass ideas. She knew that he was trying to be noble, she knew that he was trying to _save her. _But he was wrong. He was so fucking wrong.

She would just have to show him how wrong he was. But she wasn't going to give up without a fight.

She just had to be creative.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys. Sorry it's been awhile. Did we all fall asleep and miss the last chapter though? I got like 3 reviews, whoops? It's cool though.**

**But anyway, can you guys help me out with something? I've discovered that someone copied my story, Let's Go Back to the Start word for freaking word on wattpad. If anyone is so inclined could you go post a polite comment on the story linked below, letting them know that they're caught and asking them to take it down? The support would be awesome.**

**Just search PS I Love You Wattpad Spoby. You'll find it. Love you guys.**

**To be honest, if it doesn't get taken down soon I'm considering deleting my account. This isn't something I'm going to deal with. I just won't do it.**

**Happier news, my first week of teaching went well! I had one class of fourth graders that were DISASTER AFTER DISASTER. I'm talking blood and broken tables, but it was all beyond my control and I kept going. I will take it! :)**

TPOV

He wasn't hungry. His stomach felt like it was full of lead. Or maybe it was the same coal that replaced the empty space in his chest that used to contain his heart.

He read in a book once that said that grief was something physical. It was like the oppressive, red hot monster that sat on your shoulders; it was like a weight that wouldn't let up no matter how hard you tried to forget about it. But he hadn't realized the enormity of that truth until now. Because every minute he spent without Spencer felt like a wasted one. Every minute he spent without her hurt more and more.

But maybe what hurt the most was that she didn't seem to care. It wasn't as though he wanted her to be upset, and he certainly didn't wish these feelings on her. But he would have expected some kind of emotion out of her.

"Toby!" Hanna was gesturing wildly. He turned and a pang shot through his heart as he saw her seated at a table with all of his friends, with Spencer. He couldn't go over there.

He shifted awkwardly. They made eye contact. He wasn't going to be able to get away, but he couldn't go over there. It was hard enough being in the same room as Spencer, let alone in that close proximity. He wanted to be. God, did he ever want to be. He wanted to ask her how she was doing. He had to know if she was mad at him, or if she understood. And god, did he want to ask her what she thought about his mom. He needed her advice, but he screwed that up.

But did he though? Because if her hating him was the price that he had to pay to keep her safe he was willing to shoulder that cost. And he didn't blame her if she did hate him. It wasn't as though she was confused. She knew exactly what he was doing because he told her that was why he was going to do it. And he did it anyway even though she begged him not to.

He loved her, but he hated himself. That was par for the course with his life.

"I know you see me, Toby Cavanaugh! Get your ass over here!"

It was just like Hanna to shout curses across a cafeteria jam packed with teachers and impressionable freshman. He sighed and tightened his grip on his lunch, ducking his way through the crowd. As he approached he chanced a glance down the length of the long, cafeteria and was both disappointed and relieved at the absence of the one that he was looking for. He both loved her and was literally terrified of her at the same time. The power that Spencer had over him absolutely terrified him. When they were together it was in a good way, but right now it was in the worst. One look at her was going to unravel everything that he was working toward. "What did you need, Hanna?"

She rolled her eyes. "You two are really screwing this up, you know? You've been my real life OTP since this all started, and I need you to get it together."

He bit down on his lip and side glanced to Spencer's usual seat. She wasn't there, and for a second he felt grateful. He had managed to keep himself together over the last two weeks only by not looking at her. Because if he saw anything but contentment in the warm brown, he was going to throw away everything that he was trying to do by staying away from her. "OTP?" He settled on an innocent question rather than the ones that he didn't know how to answer

"One true pair!" She squealed. "You two need to fix this. What can I do?"

He just shrugged. "Nothing lasts forever, Hanna." He didn't even believe himself, because if he had believed in anything it was him and Spencer. And he ruined that.

He couldn't be here anymore. He sat his tray down on the table and turned to walk outside without waiting for her to speak another word. He shouldered through the double doors, grunting as he ran into something solid. He steadied the small body in front of him, but when he glanced down it took everything in him not to flinch away.

Spencer's big, brown eyes were as blank as he had ever seen them. She gave him an passive glance. "Thanks," she said cordially, as if they were nothing more than two people that passed each other in the hall.

"Spence-" her name slipped out before he even thought it through.

She just looked at him, subtle indifference was all that he could pick out. What the hell had he done? But before either of them could talk his phone vibrated in his pocket. When looked down he paled at the name on the screen.

* * *

SPOV

Ignoring him was harder than she thought that it would be. She knew the best way to get the idea to come around would be to drive him crazy, but she didn't recognize that she would have the needed to kiss his stupid face senseless every time they were within 100 yards of each other. She had taken to just eating lunch in the library.

Her grades were better than ever, but that wouldn't matter if she blew up from all the sexual tension that was building up somewhere between her kidney and liver. She would kick his ass if a brief and embarrassing eulogy had to be printed on the graduation pamphlets. _Miss Spencer Hastings would have been our valedictorian, but she blew up into a million pieces because her boyfriend is a tool and she wasn't getting any._

But today was a little different. He looked different. Maybe he was finally wearing down.

So she decided that it might be worthwhile to venture into the cafeteria in her best outfit. She didn't have a lot of boob action going on, but what she did have looked pretty phenomenal in the top she was wearing. She wasn't above seducing him into admitting he was a fucking idiot. That was what she had come to.

She came very close to abandoning her plans as soon as his hands steadied her though. Because if he looked that miserable things were still not going great with his mom. Not that she was surprised, because Mr. Cavanaugh was about as obstinate as they came. He wouldn't admit there was a probably until it was irrefutable. And apparently a suicide attempt and seeing things in the road weren't enough proof for him.

She touched the scar on her temple from the accident. It was still an angry red, but she didn't mind it so much. It made her look tough. She could make up an awesome story about getting attacked by a shark or a gang of pirates when she was summering in Madagascar. And she had just enough knowledge to pull it off with someone who wasn't in the know. But she knew that Toby still had to feel horribly guilty. If their situations were reversed she didn't know how she would ever be able to forgive herself.

He ran off in the direction off the office, and she could only imagine that it was about his mom. Her chest ached for him. She didn't want him to be sad, but she certainly wasn't going to put up with this anymore. She yanked her ponytail out of her hair and hurried after him. She was a model student, so she was pretty confident she could sweet talk any teacher that caught her in what she was about to do. "Toby!"

He stopped dead, but he didn't turn around. "I have to go, Spencer."

She slid around him, not caring in the slightest to hear any excuses that he had. "I know what you did and why you did it. And I can't say that I wouldn't do the same thing if I were in your shoes. I tried to be patient, but I'm done. I'm so done." She didn't give him a chance to speak. She got on her tip toes and pressed a searing kiss to his lips.

He didn't react for a long second, standing stiff in front of her. But she didn't let that stop her. Because she was done with this. And she knew him well enough to know that he was done too. After what felt like an eternity he started to respond, first by gripping her hair and then by kissing her back as enthusiastically as she was to him. This was so inappropriate and so unlike her and she so didn't care at all. Because she loved him. She loved this idiot, and she didn't care who knew it. She didn't care if he had hurt her, and she didn't care that his stupid, noble brain would probably lead him to do it again. What mattered was that she loved him at a level that scared her. She could sleep. She couldn't eat. She just wanted him. She needed him.

She pulled away with a pop, her lips hovering over his and her toes just barely grazing the floor. "If you ever do that to me again I'll cut off your balls and feet them to the piranhas at the aquarium in Philly," she whispered. But even with the seriousness of her words, she couldn't keep the smile off of her face.

"I'm sorry," was all he said. "I'm so sorry."

"I wanted to hate you," she admitted. "I did, but I couldn't because I get it. I know what you did it."

A tear slowly made its way down his cheek. She brushed it away with a flick of her thumb and looked at him from underneath her eyelashes. "I don't know where you're going, but can I come? I don't- want to let you out of my sight right now."

He hesitated. "My mom- she's um- she's in Radley now, and this orderly there... he sent me a text that she's refusing to eat, and-"

"Maybe I can help," she insisted. "I want to talk to your mom anyway- tell her that I don't blame her for what happened."

There was another long pause. "How can you not? She's my mom. I can't- even if I wanted to I couldn't-"

She interjected, not wanting him to have to say the words that he was struggling with. "It wasn't her fault. And it wasn't yours either. Let's go."


	11. Chapter 11

**I don't know why I'm asking this, but would anyone be upset if I continued this past the year mark, because I think it could be interesting to bring Jenna into this scenario... I have a feeling I know your answer. Jenna is psycho and she hurt Toby a lot, and maybe I'm crazy but I always wanted to know more about it?**

**What this story needs is a little fluff. Call this my gift to you. And myself, because this lack of spoby news is killing me. I need them to be cute, even if it's only in my mind.**

**I think that I AM going to bring Jenna into this, even if I don't keep it going past a year. I think it would be fun to get more details on it and see how Spencer would react in the moment. Aka, Spencer cut a bitch Hastings. I have no doubt she'd kill her haha. Okay I'm posting this now because I have to drive. Kay byeee. It's an hour drive so leave me lots of beautiful reviews to come back too!**

**Teaching is also going well, btw. Okay really going now, bye.**

Chapter 11

September

TPOV

She was finally walking without a limp. It took six weeks, but it was finally gone. He was sure that it was imperceptible to anyone but him in those last two weeks, but to him it was as obvious as anything. It was agonizing, watching her uneven gait and knowing that he was the cause of it. Guilt ate at him night and day. But it was gone, and he was feeling as happy as he had in months.

She was better, and the hole that her injury and her absence had left in his heart was slowly being filled in with his immense relief.

For one night he was putting everything behind him. He was forgetting that his shitty father had yet to visit his mom in Radley. His was forgetting that his mom had nearly killed his girlfriend. He was going to forget that he was quickly becoming the face of mental illness in Rosewood, constantly being followed by well wishes and pitying stares. He was done with that for now.

Today was about Spencer. Today was about the beautiful girl that was the only part of his life that made sense right now. She was the only part of his life that made living worthwhile. He didn't even want to think about where he would be if she hadn't ever taken a chance on him.

The weather never cooperated with his date plans, but today it was perfect. A slow falling orange leaf drifted down into his view of the brilliant, blue sky reminding him of just how much he appreciated fall. It was symbolic in a way, because he was casting off all of his worries and doubts and remembering that although his life was far from perfect, he had someone that he was absolutely certain loved him unconditionally. And that was all that mattered.

He flinched as the door was yanked open, but he couldn't stop a slight smile at the exasperated grimace on her face. He shouldn't enjoy her annoyance, but she never looked more adorable than in those moments. "What's going on?"

Spencer made a face at him. "I got a B on my Chemistry quiz."

He snorted. "Get out of my truck! I can't date a slight above average loser."

"Shut up!" She laughed, swatting at his shoulder, which was his exact aim. There wasn't a better sound in the world than her laughter. "Why did you summon me out here, by the way?" She waved her phone with the text still open on the screen. "Aren't you going to go see your mom?"

He smiled softly at her. "Not today." It was nearly impossible to push down the waves of emotion that lapped at the back of his mind. There was so much, but when he was with Spencer it felt like nothing at all.

_She winced as she pulled herself up the stairs. "Get that guilt look off of your face," she mumbled._

_"What are you talking about?" He lied, knowing exactly what she was talking about._

_She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, Toby."_

_It had been a few days since her much welcomed assault in the hallway, and he was just now seeing the extent of which the accident was still effecting her. "No you're not."_

_Once they got to the top she turned around and took his face in her hands. "I love you. But if you baby me one more time I'm going to push you down these stairs."_

_He laughed and buried his face in her hair. "You smell really great."_

_"I do shower occasionally," she giggled. "Come on. I missed you."_

_He eyed her bedroom with interest. "When is your mom going to be home?"_

_"No until tomorrow," she said softly. "Plenty of time to get reacquainted."_

_He grinned and pulled her into his arms, carrying her off to the room that housed some of their best memories. "Perfect."_

He didn't have any detailed plans, but that was okay. They were the best when they were spontaneous. "Can you get away from home for the weekend?" He asked her softly.

She looked at him questioningly, a half smile playing at her lips. "Maybe. Why?"

"I have plans for us," he grinned. "I think we need time alone."

Spencer pulled out her phone and dialed something out on her phone. "Mom? I'm going to stay with Hanna this weekend, okay? We might go to New York with her mom, so if you can't get a hold of me that's why."

For the first time in awhile he felt at peace. Him and Spencer like this, this was how it was supposed to be. He put a hand on her thigh and flicked on his turn signal. He knew where he was going now, and he was glad that he had planned on camping, because he had all the supplies they would need in the bed of his truck.

* * *

"Where are we?" She asked him, her forehead wrinkling in confusion.

To her credit, she had waited until they were 45 minutes into the drive before questioning him. It wasn't lost on him that he was one of the only people on the planet that she would let herself lose control with. "I thought it might be nice to get away for awhile. There's this field out here that my mom and I used to come too all the time when I was younger. We would just back dad's old truck in and camp in the back of it. She was obsessed with astronomy and we'd look at the stars together."

She smiled and put the middle thing up in the middle of the bench seat, scooting over next to him. He wrapped an arm around her and quickly brushed his lips over her temple. "I love you, Toby," she said softly. "I love you so much, and I know that you're worried about basically the entire world. But you shouldn't do that. You deserve all the happiness in the world."

"Spence-" he murmured, slowly backing into the wide open grass, waiting until the car was in park before turning to her. "Spence, you don't-"

"I'm not just saying anything, Toby. You deserve everything. You deserve to be happy." She scooted closer to him and stretched to brush her lips over the top of his. "I love you. _I love you._"

"_You _make me happy," he whispered, his lips hovering just over hers. She tasted like vanilla and peppermint, and it was his favorite thing in the world. He loved everything about her. When he saw her his heart ached at how beautiful she was. And by some miracle she wanted him too. He would never understand what she saw in him, because he was so far beneath her. But he loved her. He loved her with every single part of him. He loved her so much that it hurt. She was everything, and he finally saw that he could get through anything as long as he had her.

She shifted into his lap, straddling his hips and pressing her chest against his upper body. She pushed her hips into his and she kissed him deeply. His arms wrapped around her, one hand wrapped securely around her waist and the other lost in her mess of curls. He couldn't be too close to her. He wanted to share everything with her, every single piece of himself belong to her. Every piece of his heart and soul and body were hers, and even if she decided tomorrow that she never wanted to see him again, that would never change for him. He was in too deeply.

Her lips tore from his mouth and lightly trailed down his neck while she unbuttoned his shirt. "Spence-" he breathed, his hands on top of hers, slowing her down for a second. They hadn't done this for awhile, and he had to make sure that it was what she wanted, that she wasn't just getting caught up in the moment. "A-are you- are you sure?"

"Yes," she breathed into his neck, just like she had the first time that they did this. "I'm sure," she whispered.

So he did what he did the first time they made love. Because that was what they did. They didn't fuck her have sex. He never banged her or did any of the other crude acts that his classmates talked about. They made love. He tightly took a hold of her waist and climbed out of the truck, taking her with him. She wrapped her long legs around his waist and continued to his his neck, his shoulders, any part of him that she could reach as she unbuttoned his shirt completely. He somehow managed to get them both into the bed of the truck on the air mattress that he had put back there.

She grinned and scooted back, slipping her shirt off and revealing her flat, creamy white stomach and her lacy black bra. He crawled over to her, capturing her in his arms and easing her back against the pillows. "I-" he kissed her neck, "love-" he moved up to her jaw line, making his way to the lips that owned his. "you," he murmured, kissing her deeply and passionately. He put every part of him into that kiss.

She shivered against him. He wasn't sure if it was from the passion or the cold, but either way he reached for the blanket that was tucked into the toolbox behind them. She stopped him, grabbing his hands and easing them behind her to her bra clasp. He was never very good at this, but tonight he managed not to fumble as he unhooked her.

It was that kind of night. He wasn't good at much, but when he was with Spencer she made him feel like he could do anything. "Are you sure?" He whispered one more time. He didn't want her to regret anything later.

She didn't answer this time. She kept her lips attached to his as she wriggled out of her skirt. It was answer enough for him. Her hands were on his belt buckle as he reached behind them and grabbed the blanket, this time in the hopes of preserving their modesty in case this was the one time someone else decided to venture back here.

Once they were covered he returned his focus to her, intending upon giving her the best night she had had in a long time.

And in the coming months he would be so grateful that they had this time together.


	12. Chapter 12

**Next chapter will also be October. It's going to get wild from here.**

Chapter 12

SPOV

October

She swiped a wand full of mascara over her eyelashes and grinned at the effect that it had on her typically bland eyes. It looked good. She didn't have low self esteem, but she certainly didn't think that she was attractive. Except tonight. Tonight she looked hot.

She had to start the night helping at the church booth at the town's Halloween celebration, so her costume was a bit more conservative than she would have liked, but she grinned as she thought of Toby's costume. Seeing him dressed as Romeo would make it all worth it.

Her dress was an exact replica of a Shakespearean era gown of the likes that Juliet may have worn. It took her a long time to make it, but the finished product made the time well worth it and it was historically accurate. She jumped at a knock on the door, thanking whoever was listening that her makeup was done. "Come in," she muttered, stretching across her bed to grab her clutch. It wasn't exactly period appropriate, but she was probably the only one that would notice.

"Wow."

She grinned at Toby's quiet voice. "You like it?" She asked, turning around. "I-" she trailed off as she caught sight of him in his own costume. Not for the first time, she was convinced that she had been born into the wrong era. Because damn, he looked hot. He always looked hot, but there was something regal about the 18th century clothes he was wearing.

It was his turn to smile. He took a step forward and put his hands on her hips. "You look beautiful," he murmured. "I don't know how I ever got so lucky."

They were cheesy as hell sometimes, but that was okay. And if she could make him smile like that she would do whatever it took. He deserved far more smiles than he actually got. "I ask myself the same question every day. Are you ready to go?"

At her no he wrapped a solid arm around her shoulder and led her out of her room and down the stairs. It was a distinct change of pace for them, but if he was letting things go for the night than she certainly wasn't going to bring it up. She let her mind wonder as he led her to Caleb's car.

_"You don't have to do this."_

_She shook her head. "I want to do this, Toby. You aren't going to change my mind."_

_He didn't talk for a long moment. "You haven't been to Radley before. It's not a happy place."_

_She rolled her eyes. "I guess that means the balloons that I bought might be out of place.__"_

_He sighed and took her hand. "Just stay close to me, okay?"_

_She was glad for the extra support as they walked up the steep steps. She was sure that he noticed, but there wasn't a thing in the world that would make her admit that her body still ached. Her leg was the worst, causing her to walk with a subtle limp._

_The ear splitting scream that greeted them as soon as the crossed the threshold didn't make his request a tall order. She stepped closer to his side and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. They walked together to the receptionists desk, but he didn't have to ask before the nurse passed him two visitor's badges. He gave her a nod of thanks. "Thanks, Betty."_

_"Stop by on your way out, Toby," the stern looking older woman cracked a smile. "Rachel brought in some cookies."_

_Toby's smile was sad, but she was pretty sure that she was the only one who would be able to tell for sure. "Sure thing. This is my girlfriend Spencer, by the way."_

_Betty's smile grew. "Nice to meet you, sweetheart. I've heard lots of good things."_

_She smiled. "It's nice to meet you too."_

_Toby steered them in the direction of the scream, which wasn't exactly comforting. But she trusted him implicitly, more than she trusted herself, really. He ducked his head down and whispered into her ear. "This is the day room. Some of the people are- they're a little troubled. But they genuinely nice people. Just stay close."_

_She nodded, scanning the room and taking in the patients in various states of distress. "This could be nice, I think."_

_"Toby!"_

_The amount of happiness in Mrs. Cavanaugh's voice genuinely hurt her heart. She sound alright though, so maybe Radley really was what she needed. She took a side step away from Toby as his mom wrapped him up in a hug. It was funny how hospital gowns always did something to make a person look tiny when they were wearing them. Mrs. Cavanaugh looked happy, but she also looked so small._

_It wasn't long before Mrs. Cavanaugh turned her eyes on her, and the smile on her face wavered. "Spencer, honey," she hugged her just as tightly as she had hugged Toby. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."_

_She smiled sadly, pulling away. "Thanks for the opening. That's actually why I'm here. You have to know that I don't blame you for this."_

_Mrs. Cavanaugh's lips twitched, but she didn't say anything. She took that as her opportunity to continue. "It could have been bad, but I'm fine. I'm fine, and I need you to not feel badly any longer."_

_She didn't say anything for a long time, but eventually Mrs. Cavanaugh nodded. She relaxed, sliding into a chair. Maybe they were on the path to healing._

It was outrageous how quickly they got to the party. She didn't remember much of the drive, but she came back to focus when her side pressed firmly against Toby's. His fingers ran through the ends of her hair. "Are you doing alright?" She had to ask him at least one time before they got into the school. The annual school sponsored Halloween party was always fun. The most amusing part was watching their classmates pull off all kinds of indecent behaviors right in front of their teachers. Usually they just watched, but this was their last year and she was tired of watching. She was tired of sitting on the outside. Maybe it was time to be young and stupid.

He nodded. "Everything's as good as it has been in awhile. Mom sounds like she's doing better, Dad actually went to visit her, and I still have you. It's actually getting better," he smiled. "You know I'm a terrible dancer, right?"

She laughed. "That's okay. I was born to lead."

Hanna walked slowly up next to them. "We can't do this completely sober. Caleb already offered to DD. Shots?" She waved a flask between the two of them.

Whether or not Toby would drink depended on the day. She wasn't sure why he didn't, but she wouldn't pressure him. She did want some though. She took the flask from Hanna and shook it a little bit. "Vodka?" She guessed before taking a swig. She wrinkled her nose. "Where the hell did you get whiskey?"

"I think that's a question you would have to ask my mom, and you actually definitely should not ask my mom. She must have just had a craving for whiskey, and it was the only bottle I found that was low enough that I could fill a couple flasks without her noticing. You two can keep that one. I have another in my coat."

Toby took the flask from her and took a swig. "That's disgusting," he gasped.

"Yeah," Hanna said fondly. "It's so gross." She took a drink before skipping ahead and catching up to Caleb.

Spencer grinned and took the flask back from Toby, taking another drink. It was gross, but it made her feel light, and she liked that. Everything that had been going on lately was a lot for a Senior in high school to take on, regardless of the fact that it wasn't her mom. It was Toby, and a lot of the time she was pretty sure that she would choose happiness for Toby even over herself.

As they walked into the school she tucked the flask into the front of her shirt. "Mr. Reynolds!" She smiled at the older, science teacher. They never suspected her of duplicity because she was a straight A student, and because she never got in trouble. The key to never getting caught was building a solid, trusting relationship with those who do the catching.

"You're diabolical," Toby whispered into her hair, leading her into the gym. "Can-"

She didn't know if it was the whiskey or the hormones radiating off of her classmates, but all she knew was that she didn't want to go another minute without feeling him against her. She put a hand on his chest and pushed him back, taking his other hand with hers and leading him into the dark, presumably off limits, hallway.

"Spence, where are we-"

"Shhh," she cut him off with a laugh. She pulled the flask out of her bra and took another long drink. It was starting to taste pretty good, actually. Kind of like if rubbing alcohol and oranges had procreated. She took another drink and passed it back to him, tugging on his hand with renewed vigor. She stood outside of the second janitor's closet that they passed, listening for a moment. She didn't want to walk in on another couple doing the nasty.

"Spencer," she could hear the laughter in his voice. "are you-"

She yanked the door open and stepped inside, confident that he would follow after her. She looked up at him as he shut the door, trying to look sexy. But before she could get a word out a shower of dust fell onto them. "Ew!" She shrieked, brushing the dirt out of her hair. "No hold on," she groaned. "I'm not drunk enough for this yet." She yanked the flask back out of his hand and chugged about half of what was left.

"We don't-" Toby tried, but she cut him off with a kiss.

"No," she murmured. "no, tonight I want to be young, drunk, and stupid. Can we just be young, drunk, and stupid?"

There was something unreachable in his eyes. He softened and nodded. "I think I have a little catching up to do," he teased, taking the alcohol back from her.

"I'm not drunk," she protested, cringing a little bit at the way her words all mushed together. Maybe she was a little drunk.

He smiled, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling against him. "You're tiny and you just drank about 6 shots in 15 minutes. But you're not drunk. Of course not. I love you, Spence."

She brushed her nose across his collarbone. "I love you too," she whispered. "Can we-"

He let go of her, turning to look at the door. He jammed a broom underneath the handle and turned back to her ducking down to kiss her with vigor. "There's nothing else I'd rather do."

* * *

She didn't know how long they had been in the closet for, but the music was still pounding through the thin walls. So it was before midnight. She shivered, the only thing covering her upper body was a decidedly not period bra. Because Toby was Toby he noticed immediately. "Should we go back to the party?" He whispered. "We've been gone a long time."

"Why are you whispering?" She mumbled, her face in his neck.

She felt him shrug. "I don't know," he said, still whispering. "after all of _that _it feels weird to talk at a normal volume?"

She giggled and pulled away from him, her hand knocking over the empty flask. "Did I drink all of that?" She wondered, stumbling a little as she stood up.

He smirked. "Most of it." His hands steadied her as she wobbled. "Careful," he murmured, keeping her upright as he stood up. "Are you going to be okay to go home like this?"

"Yeah, my mom-" she cursed. "No wait, they're having a p-party," she stuttered. "Shit."

He chuckled. For some reason he found it endearing when she cursed. "I was thinking- maybe we could rent a room at the Edgewood Motorcourt tonight?"

She lifted her eyebrows. "Didn't get enough, did you?"

His cheeks turned an adorable shade of red. "No, that's not- I just- I don't really want to go home, and-"

She smiled and ran her fingers over his stubbly cheekbone. "Let's go. Are we inviting Hanna and Caleb? Do we want a fun night or a _night _night."

"Well..." he trailed off as his phone rang. His fingers immediately started shaking when he looked at the screen.

"Toby?" She asked him softly, putting a hand on his chest to balance herself. "What happened?"

"It's Radley," he whispered. "What is Radley calling me at 11 pm?" He took another long pause before answering the phone. "Hello?"

It was a weird feeling, but she knew right in that moment that something had happened. It was like the world stopped spinning. Everything and anything in the world was culminating in this single moment. The world was coming together for what happened right here and now.

Toby's phone slipped between his fingers and bounced off of the ground with a crash. "Toby?" Her voice was urgent. She didn't feel drunk any longer. "Talk to me."

"M-my mom-" he stuttered. "she's- she died."


	13. Chapter 13

**SO MUCH. Sorry this is so late but SO MUCH. First, the other Spanish teacher got fired, so now I'm the only SPANISH TEACHER AND SPANISH SPEAKER IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL. No pressure right?! But I got a HUGE raise and stuff so it's whatever.**

**AND my birthday is tomorrow, so... yeah. Would you be a pal and review for me?**

Chapter 13

TPOV

It was impossible to describe what he was feeling. It was comparable to being stranded in the middle of a stormy ocean, the dark water being shifted and pounded by heavy waves. The grief hit him again and again like a wave that never subsided.

He couldn't breath. He was drowning in grief. His mom was gone.

"Toby," Spencer whispered from next to him. "Tell me what I can do. What do you need?" Her voice sounded almost as grief stricken as he felt, and he didn't doubt it. Spencer was exceptionally close to his mom, and this had to be hurting her.

He didn't even know that he was crying until she was on her knees in front of him, gently wiping away his tears. "I don't know what else to do," she whispered desperately. "I don't know how to help you. Talk to me."

He squeezed his eyes shut so hard he saw stars. Maybe he could force himself back in time. Maybe he could go back to a time where something was good. Spencer's hands were on him, helping him up and out of the closet. He barely felt it as she wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. "I've drank to much to drive, and you aren't in any shape to drive. Can I get Hanna and Caleb? Are you okay with that?"

He nodded wordlessly. And then she was gone and with her she took the light with her. She was the only thing that kept him holding on. He slid to the ground, pulling his knees against his chest. He was pretty sure that he was crying, but he couldn't feel it. His shoulders shook with sobs that he couldn't repress, even if he wanted too. You had to be able to feel to do that.

_"You listen to me, Toby Cavanaugh," his mom said firmly. "You don't let those kids at school talk to you like that. You are smart, strong, and so brave. There isn't anything that you're going to go through that you won't survive. You'll be okay."_

"Hey, man. Are you alright?"

He didn't even lift his head to acknowledge Ben. He was being rude, but he figured that he could use the fact that his mom just died as an excuse.

"Leave him alone, Ben." Spencer was back next to him. She stumbled slightly as she sat against the wall with him. He put a shaking hand on her knee to steady her. He was pretty sure that he would be making sure that she was okay, even if he were dead. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't know where else to go. His mom was gone. She was the only one that ever made him feel at home, and now she was gone. Did that mean that he could never go home again?

Spencer's hands were back on his face. And it was her gentle touch that showed him that he was wrong. He could go home, because his mom wasn't the only one that made him feel at home. Spencer did too, and as long as Spencer was in his life he'd find a way to navigate this unbearable agony. But if he lost her he didn't know what he'd do.

Somehow she got him in to the car. His head was in her lap, her fingers gently tugging at his length. He was crying. His tears were soaking through her skirt, but she didn't seem to mind. He did though. He knew how long she spent working on that dress. He tried to sit up, but she kept him down with the gentle pressure of her hand. "Stop," she commanded easily. "Do not think of anyone else but yourself right now."

He sat up still, watching as they pulled up in front of Radley's imposing gates. What was he going to find inside?

* * *

SPOV

**Five Days Later.**

It hurt. Watching him like this hurt. She stood back a few feet and watched him hug his grandma as she walked up to him just inside the funeral home. Showings were never easy, but this one was especially hard. She had never lost anyone close to her, so she didn't know what to say. She didn't know what she could possibly do to make this better, and that hurt.

She watched him greet relative after relative, people who knew his name and nothing else. People that knew Mrs. Cavanaugh's name and nothing else. Half of these people probably knew nothing of her struggle with mental illness. And it was infuriating to see their tears and sympathy. Maybe if Marion had known that so many people cared about her her story would have ended differently.

Toby looked so handsome that it made her chest ache. He was like a devastatingly beautiful portrait, something that should be hanging up in a museum, loved by the masses rather than just a select group of people. That was what he decided, to be loved by everyone and everything.

As if he had heard her, he looked up, and he didn't have to scan the perimeter fully before she was back at his side, slipping her hand into his. "Come on, let's get you sitting."

He didn't speak. He just let her lead him across the plush, 1970's carpet to his seat at the front of the room. He looked lost. He looked like he was lost, and that was killing her. But she would be his guide for as long as he needed her to be. She wasn't going anywhere. "I'll go get you some water, okay?"

She turned to go, but he caught her wrist before she could take a step. He shook his head, not quite making eye contact with her. But his face wasn't diverted enough for her to miss the tears that stubbornly refused to fall. She nodded, putting a soft hand on his chest, straightening his tie. "Okay," she said softly. "Alright, I won't go anywhere." She sat down next to him, her hand on his knee. "Are you sure you don't want to sit with your dad?"

He nodded. His face in her hair. "It's nice, right? You think she'd have liked it?"

His uncertainty literally broke her heart. "She would have _loved it,"_she emphasized. She would have loved it because he planned it. "Can I go get you some food at least? I know you weren't hungry at breakfast, but maybe you are now."

"I'm a little hungry," he admitted. "but not hungry enough for you to leave."

She smiled a little reaching across him and sliding a granola bar out of her bag. "Is this alright?"

He smiled despite everything. "I love you," he whispered. "Its the only thing left that I know is true."

"I love you too," she said softly. "I can see the doubt in your eyes when you look at me," she let him know. "and I can promise you that I'm not going anywhere. You're never going to lose me. I'm right here."

Before she even fully comprehended what was going on they were standing, and he was holding on to her as tightly as he ever had. It wasn't tight enough to hurt, but she wasn't going anywhere unless he let go. His face was buried in her neck, and it was then that she felt the tears soaking into her skin. He was crying. He was crying, and it probably shouldn't feel good. But it did. He needed to release. He needed to let go, because he was never going to move onto the road toward acceptance until he let go, until he let his body and mind acknowledge what he had lost. He would be okay, but it would take some time. That was okay though, because she would wait forever for him.

She let him keep his face in her hair, but she shifted slightly, angling them toward his mom's casket. It would be nearly impossible for him, but he needed to say goodbye. But she could start.

She bit back tears as she saw Marion's cold body. She put a shaking hand to the older woman's fingers. "Don't worry about anything," she whispered in a shaking voice. "I'll take care of him for you. I'll always take care of him."

She shifted taking Toby's face in her hands, deliberately wiping away every tear on his face, his back to his mom. "You don't have to do this, but I think that you'll regret it if you don't."

He nodded, leaning down to kiss her lightly. "You're right," he whispered hoarsely. "You always are."

"Do you want to talk to her alone?" She asked him almost as softly.

He hesitated before nodding. "Don't-"

She smiled reassuringly, brushing her thumb over his wrist. "I'll be right back at our seats."

The cushion was soft as she lowered herself onto it, but her heart hurt for him. He was on his way, and he would be fine in the end. But she was so scared for what that road to recovery would look like.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey. So this was stubborn haha. I changed a little bit about Jenna here. Picture her being a bigger girl. No fat, but just big, if that makes sense. I need her to have a little strength behind her growl, lol.**

**The only excuse I have for the wait is that I've been busy, but at least this is long, right? Today's the first day of my fall break, so plan on getting more chapters over the next few days! Talk to you soon!**

Chapter 14

TPOV

He groaned quietly and rolled over. It was cold, but he liked it that way. It matched how he felt on the inside.

He was alone, but he liked that less. The thoughts that swam through his mind, even a month after his mother's death, scared him. He was much more capable of pushing those thoughts down when someone was with him.

"Toby!"

He frowned. It had been months since his father had acknowledged his presence. It was strange really, how quickly he had gone from having to parents to essentially not having any. Although, the indifference was certainly more welcome than the shouts and the shame. He pulled a hoodie over his naked upper half and walked into the living room, curiously glancing at his father's rigid posture as he perched on the edge of the couch.

He smiled nervously, and that was even more unsettling for Toby. He had all the power in this relationship. What was there to be nervous about? His dad sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you remember those meetings?"

He nodded hesitantly. He had gone too. Support group was helpful for him, and he assumed it worked well for his father as well. His dad continued at his nod. "Well, um- I'm not sure how to tell you this. And you aren't going to like it, but I'm not really asking your permission. Consider this me giving you a heads up that I met someone."

"You met someone?" He asked slowly. "You _met _someone?" His brain still had to be asleep. Because there was no way that he was hearing this correctly.

A frown line appeared in the middle of the older man's forehead. "Look, I know that it's fast. I know that it's probably too fast, but I don't care. I- I love her, Toby."

He stood up, running a hand through his hair and tugging on the length to halt to expletives that he wanted to shout. Not once in 18 years had he ever heard his dad tell his mom that he loved her, but he was already dropping that bomb on this new mystery woman that he couldn't have known for longer than a month? Maybe things would have ended differently had he managed to slip out a few more I love yous to his mother. "I can't deal with this right now."

His dad's uncertainty turned to anger as he brusquely rose to his feet. "I'm not asking you to accept it, but I am telling you that you will be there. You _will _be there, and you _will _be the polite kid that you used to be."

So this was where the expression seeing red was coming from. But he sucked in a few calming breaths. "Can Spencer come?"

His dad rolled his eyes but nodded. "Maybe you'll be better behaved in front of your girlfriend. Julia has a daughter your age as well, so it might be nice for Jenna to potentially make a new friend."

He had a lot more to say, none of which he was going to say right now. He would save it, because his dad was on the defensive and he never saw reason when he was on the defensive. "I'm going over there now. I'll be back in time for dinner."

He didn't wait for a response before grabbing a shirt and his keys and breezing out his bedroom door. Spencer would be awake. She would know what to do.

* * *

Somehow she managed to beat him to the Brew. It was ridiculous, because she had walked. He had offered to pick her up, but she declined, saying that she needed to walk or she was going to go crazy. He was sure it had something to do with her parents, but that would be a conversation better had when he didn't feel like murdering something. He needed to see her. She always knew just how to calm him down.

He pulled his helmet off and stowed it in the compartment in the back, shaking out his hair and walking to her on their favorite bench. He sat down and immediately felt himself tearing up again.

And because it was Spencer, she saw immediately. On of her hands was on his thigh and the other was wiping away and stray tears under his eyes. "Hey," she whispered. "hey, what's wrong?"

He shook his head, lowering his face to her neck, pulling her against him. She melted into him immediately, as always knowing exactly what he needed. In Spencer's arms he felt safe. He knew that he could let himself go. It didn't matter that they were in a very public place. When he was with her the world faded away.

How could his dad be doing this? How could he care so little about his mom? Because he knew that if he lost Spencer, if Spencer had felt so alone that she had to take her own life, there would be no recovering from that. He would never bounce back from a loss that catastrophic, but here his dad was, bouncing back after a couple weeks. He didn't understand, and to be honest, he wasn't sure that he wanted to understand.

Spencer's fingers patiently ran through the hair at the base of his neck and let him cry into her shirt. "I'm sorry," he whispered huskily, as soon as he managed to calm himself down.

Spencer shook her head, shifting slightly so that she could look at him. "What happened?"

He just shook his head, closing his eyes and embracing the fact that he was loved by another person, something that his mom apparently didn't have. "My dad-"

She narrowed her eyes. "What did he do?"

He smiled a little, despite the emotions churning in his stomach. "He met someone new, I guess."

The anger in Spencer's eyes was a little gratifying. At least he knew that he wasn't being irrational. "I-" she tried, but immediately shut her mouth again. "Are you..." she trailed off. "What?"

He nodded, a tired laugh. "That was basically my reaction. But I wanted to ask you if maybe you could come to dinner with us tonight?" He snagged her fingers and brought her wrist to his lips, touching the angry looking scar, only part that was left from the accident that was almost entirely his fault. He hated to ask anything of her, but this was necessary. He needed this. He needed her.

She nodded, leaning in and brushing her nose along his collar bone. "I love you, you know that. I would do anything for you."

* * *

It took some intricate planning, but they managed to arrive last. As his bike roared to a stop in front of the house he paused, reveling in the feeling of Spencer's body pressed against his back, her arms tightly wound around his waist, her thighs rubbing against his legs as they drove along. His stomach burned with desire, but he bushed it down. There would be time for that later.

He climbed off the bike first, helping her take off his only helmet, taking his time. He closed his eyes as his fingers ran along her jaw line, her skin so soft to the touch. He shivered embarrassingly. "I love you," he murmured, going in and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, feeling endlessly grateful for her presence in his life.

She smiled, and pecked the tip of his nose, climbing off the bike and wrapped a lose arm around his waist. "This will probably be fine."

He laughed lightly. "Probably being the key word." He loved the way her gentle curves fit perfectly into his side. He loved the way the she took his hand and brushed her lips over his knuckles. When they got to the door he led her inside by the small of her back, helping her out of her back and draping it over their coat rack.

She gave him a reassuring smile. "If it's not you can come back with me tonight. My mom is in Philly and my dad is in Seattle for the week."

He hesitated, pulling her to a stop. "Why were you upset earlier?"

She bit down on her lip. "I don't-"

"Spence," he murmured, brushing his thumb along her jaw. "tell me."

She shook her head. "It isn't a big deal. They were just fighting a lot before they left this morning."

He hated the way they fought around her. He knew that it scared her, even if she wouldn't admit it. He would never forget the time that she called him in tears because her mom was throwing their china at her dad. The sound of her tears and the glass breaking in the background her prominent in his mind, even still. "Call me next time."

She smiled sadly. "You called me before I had a chance."

Really, all he wanted to do when she looked like that was pull her into the bedroom and kiss her senseless, kiss her until she forgot every bad thing that happened in her life. But before he had a chance to suggest blowing off dinner his dad poked his head into the hallway. "Toby! Spencer! Come in, come in. You're right on time."

Spencer was always more polite than his dad deserved. She shrugged away from Toby and walked out ahead, giving him a handshake. "Thanks for letting me come over, sir."

She didn't see it, but his dad really liked Spencer. He wasn't sure why, but he suspected it had something to do with her family's status in town. No one was higher on the social hierarchy than the Hastings. "I'm glad you could make it, sweetheart," he gestured for them to enter the dining room. "I have some people that I would love for you to meet."

Again, Spencer led the way. Somehow she always saw what he needed, and what he needed in this circumstance was someone to remind him that everything was going to be okay. She put on a smile and walked to the woman that his dad was apparently seeing, sticking out her hand. "Spencer Hastings, m'am. So nice to meet you."

"Julie Marshall," the woman gave Spencer a fake, toothy smile. Or at least he thought it was fake, he couldn't be for sure. Maybe he just didn't like her.

Spencer also waved at the girl their age. "Nice to meet you too."

The girl didn't smile or even acknowledge Spencer, but she wasn't deterred. She glanced back at him, and took his hand leading him to their chairs. That was another reason he was glad that he brought her. Spencer very rarely let other people's opinions of her effect her self esteem. She knew who she was, and her presence strengthened him. Although, he wouldn't let anyone talk badly about her or to her either. He didn't like the look that this girl was giving her.

They sat down to eat. He felt numb for most of dinner, like he was eating in a bubble. The conversation that the rest of the table was having sounded distant to him. This was too much. This was too soon. He looked up, catching the eye of Julie's daughter Jenna across the table. She smiled at him, but it wasn't anything like Spencer's warm smile. It almost felt animalistic, territorial. It immediately made him feel uncomfortable.

He didn't have a lot of experience with girls. Spencer was the only one who had ever given him the time of day, but he knew that what she was doing wasn't designed to make him feel good. He looked back down at his chicken, frowning. He jumped a little at Spencer's hand on his thigh. She squeezed it reassuringly. "Toby's actually a fantastic artist."

He looked at her curiously, so she laughed and explained to him. "Ms. Marshall was talking about how she liked to paint but wasn't any good at it."

He nodded thoughtfully, a ghost of a smile on his face. He really did enjoy painting. "I think it's more important that you like it, you know? You don't have to be fantastic. Art is up for interpretation."

Julie's smile still looked fake to him, but at least it didn't make him uneasy like her daughter's. "That is great advice, Toby. I'll have to remember that."

The rest of dinner went by in a blur. He didn't contribute to the conversation that much, but he was there and polite, and that was more than what his dad had the right to expect from him. Spencer was a social butterfly though, conversing and smiling and laughing with everyone. She saved him, as she always did, because he was sure that his silence would be much more pronounced if she wasn't there.

As they were walking out the door after saying their goodbyes Spencer stopped abruptly, causing him to stop too. He had scarcely thrown her a confused stare before she got on her tiptoes and kissed him quickly. "I forgot that we were on your bike. Give me a second. To much information, I know, but that this makes me have to pee. I'm going for a preemptive strike here." She giggled and ducked down the hall and in to the bathroom.

He stood, dazed for a second. He wasn't sure if it was the kiss, or the indescribably sexy way she moved, or the innocent giggle, or the slight flowery smell that she left behind. Or maybe it was the way it all worked together. But there wasn't a moment that he spent with her in which he didn't feel like the luckiest man alive.

But as soon as she was gone it was like the crushing despair slammed into him like a wave. His mom had been gone for a month. She had been gone for thirty days and his dad was already moving on. It might be what he needed, but what Toby needed was a father who took a moment out of his day to consider his grieving son. That was all that he wanted.

"Where'd the girl go?"

His forehead wrinkled as he turned around. He was confused at the unfamiliar voice until he saw Jenna, quickly realizing that she had spoken even less than he had over dinner. "She'll be back in a second."

Her eyes dragged up and down his body, making him feel supremely uncomfortable. "I can see what she sees in you," she said sardonically. "It's good to know that if this shit show goes any further that my step bro will be hot at least."

He took a small step back from her, not sure how to react to this at all. If he offended her he was certain that his dad would take her side over his, but he also wasn't going to sit here and allow her to make him feel like this either. The hair rose on the back of his neck at the way that she looked at him. It was almost like she felt dangerous. But she was a small girl. She was bigger than Spencer or Hanna or any of his girl friends, but she was still smaller than him. He didn't have anything to be afraid of. "You better get back to your mom," he said slowly.

"Aw," she whined, reaching for his hand and coming up with nothing when he moved it away just in time. "But I was bonding with my almost family. That's what this little dinner is all about, right?"

"Hey, are you ready to go?"

He turned around, relieved, but Spencer's eyes weren't on him. She was looking at Jenna, as though she were sizing her up and telling her to back off at the same time. And when she appeared his priorities shifted, because he was no longer worried about himself. Jenna was probably harmless, but there was something about her that scared the shit out of him. Something that he didn't want Spencer by. He grabbed Spencer's arm and tugged her out of the house, not bothering to say by to Jenna. He had a feeling that he'd be seeing more of her, whether he liked it or not.

"I don't like her," Spencer said immediately. "She was looking at you like you were a piece of meat, giving me this smug apologetic little smirk like I walked in on you two doing something." He usually found it adorable when she got upset like this, but he knew that she had a point this time.

He shrugged. "Well it doesn't matter what she wants, because I have all that I want right here." He smiled softly, taking her into his arms for as much his own benefit as hers. He felt his heart beating slower as he held her close. She made him feel safe.

"On an unrelated note," she relented, her words muffled by his shirt, "I know your dad might want you to stay here tonight, but do you think you can make some kind of excuse and stay with me? Both my parents are out of town, and..." she trailed off, but she didn't have to finish. He knew that she didn't like staying alone.

He nodded, his lips in her hair for a brief moment before leading her toward his bike with both arms. "I'll call him later and tell him that I'm staying with Caleb." He took the helmet from his storage space and gently plopped it on her head. "Do you want to go home now, or do you want to do something else?"

She shivered slightly as she buckled the chin strap, and climbed on the bike after him, wrapping her arms around his stomach. It was his turn to shiver as she ran her hands up and down his abs, looking for a good spot to hold on. He heard her laugh and felt her move closer to him, her stomach and her helmet covered head pressed into his back. "You like that?"

He closed his eyes, lightly running his fingers up and down her forearm. "You know I do. Let's go back to your house," he decided for them, not sure how much longer he could go without kissing her. But he also felt her goosebumps. If they were going anywhere else he needed to get her some more clothes.

He glanced at the house one more time, noticing Jenna's face in the window, looking at them with a smirk on her face. He shook his head and started the bike, pulling out onto the road. He considered taking the long route, because he loved the way that Spencer shifted against him while they were on his bike, but he knew that she was cold. He wasn't going to do that to her.

Once they pulled through the gate to the Hastings' house and down the obnoxiously long driveway, she had barely gotten her helmet off before he leaned in and kissed her deeply, one of his hands on her stomach and the other getting lost in her silky, brown hair. She moaned into his mouth, moving closer, practically melding their bodies into one. She responded enthusiastically, her hands going up the front of his shirt as she deepened the kiss.

He shivered, her cold hands against his abs, and hiked her up, carrying her into the house without breaking their kiss. She giggled, wrapping her thin legs around him. He managed to get the door open, walking them to the couch and lowering her on to it. She looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes and a smirk on her lips, immediately going for his belt. "I love you," she whispered huskily. "I don't tell you often enough, and I should. But I love everything about you. Every part of you. You deserve to hear that every day."

His chest soared as he leaned in, fumbling with the buttons on her shirt. "I love you too, so much."


	15. Chapter 15

**If you're triggered by sexual assault you should probably skip a part of this chapter. I'll put ******** before and after the worst part so you can still read the rest of you want. I was a little detailed in this, mostly because that is my biggest upset with the show. They should have had Toby talk to Spencer about this. But I think that my Toby in this world would, kind of.**

**This chapter is a month after the last one. The rest of the story will take place in this month, I'm pretty sure. Only a few chapters left to go. I really love you guys and the way you respond to this! Please review and let me know what you think**

**Also, if you're so inclined, check out my other story Sanity's Requium. It's very AU, set in the world of the Fifth Wave series, but I think that you'll like it if you give it a chance!**

Chapter 15

TPOV

_"Are you sure you don't need me to come?"_

He smiled at the concern in her voice. His nerves were on edge, but it was nice to know that someone cared enough to consider changing their plans for him. But she couldn't do that. "You're the president," he said softly. "You can't leave the French club to anarchy. Don't think I'm forgetting about the stinky cheese incident this soon." As much as he wished that she could come he wasn't going to ask her to do that.

_"Mona could run it for one night. I'm not kidding, Toby. If you need me to come I'm there."_

"And it means everything that you'd offer, Spence, really," he sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "But I think it'll be okay. She was significantly less creepy the last time she was here."

_"Because I told her I'd stab her with my non-existent stilettos if she didn't keep her hands to herself!"_

He laughed despite the tension that he was feeling. She was probably right. The way that Jenna peeled her hands off of his arm was comical in the aftermath. There was something about her that just made him freeze. She terrified him more than any girl had the right to terrify him. "Maybe, but even still. You have to go. I'll be sure to remind her of your threat if I need to."

_It was their sixth__ bi-weekly dinner. They were getting used to each other, which unfortunately meant that Toby was getting used to Jenna's unwelcome advances and suggestive statements. It didn't matter how many times he told her that she made him uncomfortable. She just continued to do it._

_Spencer was running late, a tutoring session having gone longer than she expected. He closed her apologetic text with a wince. It wasn't that she was late. She couldn't be with him every minute, despite the fact that he wouldn't especially mind that. It was a combination of things. First, he didn't want to face Jenna on his own, because he was certain that she was a bit more tame around other people. The only time she had ever made him feel truly uncomfortable were the brief moments that they spent alone together. But he was also upset by the way that Spencer clearly felt she need to take care of him. He would never voice his, what she would call antiquated opinion, but he felt like he needed to take care of her. He should be the one to take care of her, not the other way around._

_"Where's the girlfriend?"_

_He cringed. Jenna clearly worked fast. "She'll be here in a few minutes. She tutors after school on Tuesday, and apparently her Spanish student failed a quiz."_

_Jenna nodded thoughtfully. "You know that you can do better than her, right? She seems like kind of a bitch."_

_His face hardened. "Don't talk about her like that," he snapped._

_Jenna smirked. She was a hard person to deter. Her hands were on his arm before he even realized that she was touching him. "I could show you what a real woman is like." She circled around him, her fingers brushing over his chest, her pointed nails snagging on the fabric of his hoodie._

_"I think that if you don't take your hands on him I'm going to show you just how real of a woman that I can be."_

_Jenna laughed as she took a step back to glance at Spencer. He put a hand in front of her to stop her from advancing forward. "You're like a wet cat," Jenna laughed. "You're kind of adorable when you get angry. But trust me, he's already seen plenty of me. And he sure wasn't complaining then. You could join though. I've always wanted to try a threesome."_

_"I-" he tried._

_Spencer's face was red when she interrupted him. "I'll bet I look really adorable when I stab you in the arm with my shoe," she snapped, grabbing Toby's arm and tugging him out of the room with her. She dragged him in to his room and turned to face him once they were alone. She couldn't even look at him. Did she believe Jenna?_

_"Spence, nothing happened," he whispered. "You have to know that."_

_She took his face in her hands. "Are you okay?"_

_He shook his head, leaning in to her touch. "I guess so."_

She didn't say anything for a really long time. _"Just try to stay away from her. I love you."_

They had been together for nearly two years now, but every time she said those words it warmed him from the inside out. "I'll talk to you later," he said softly. "I love you too." He paused. "Be safe," he added as an afterthought.

_"You too."_

He could hear her start her car as she hung up. Part of him really wished that she was coming to dinner with them, but he knew that she couldn't always be with him. She had been so perfect since mom had died, but she had to have her own life too. She had to be who she was before he needed her so deeply. He sighed and left his bedroom, walking in to the living room where his dad was schmoozing with the woman he had not known long enough to love.

He wasn't sure why Jenna made him so nervous. Sure, her hands had brushed against him more times than he actually cared to remember, but maybe she was just an affectionate person. It wasn't her fault that he was not; at least not with people he barely knew.

"Toby!" He was always nicer to him when Julie was there. "Come in. I got your favorite crackers."

He smiled a little bit, trying. He still loved his dad even if he hated the way that he was handling all of this. "Thanks dad," he said softly.

Julie's smile looked more and more fake as time went on. He got the distinct impression that she just wanted him to go away. "No Spencer tonight?"

They knew Spencer nearly as well as they knew him, because she had yet to miss one of these 'family dinners.' He was actually fairly sure that they liked Spencer better than they liked him. His dad had made comment after comment about how she was good for him, which was true. But the way his dad said it was condescending in the worst way. "She has a French Club meeting," he explained through clenched teeth. "I'll probably go meet her when she's done."

"It's nice to see two people in love," Julie sighed with a smile, sending his dad a happy look.

He gave her a sappy smile in return. "Toby, could you and Jenna possibly go get some beverages? I forgot to grab them when I was at the store earlier."

The last thing he wanted to do was get in an enclosed space with Jenna, but while his dad's words were formed like they were a suggestion, they were a clear demand. "I could go on my own," he suggested hesitantly. "Jenna doesn't have to come."

He rolled his eyes. "It's too cold to take your bike. Just let Jenna drive their car."

Jenna nodded eagerly. "I don't mind."

He sighed. "Fine." He grabbed the $20 that his dad handed him and walked out into the yard, slipping in to the passenger seat before Jenna had even left the house. He shivered from the cold night air, but he wasn't going to go back and get a coat. He would get this over with.

Everything that happens in life boils down to one decision. One decision, one moment, can change everything. When you stop for a coffee and end up missing the massive accident on the interstate by just seconds. When you are sick and miss school, and that day is also the day where you were going to have a massive pop quiz. One day, one moment could change everything. That was a thought that would run through his mind in the days and months to come. What if he had refused? What if he had asked Spencer to come? What if things had gone differently?

Jenna slid into the car, shooting him a grin. "Alone at last, future bro," she chuckled. "Have you been avoiding me?"

He looked out the window. "Why would I do that?" Ignoring the fact that that was exactly what he had been doing.

She grinned. "Because the girlfriend doesn't like me?" She suggested. "Or maybe because you feel this thing between us too?"

"Just go," he forced out between gritted teeth. There was nothing between them, and she was deluding herself. But it was a ten minute trip, just a ten minute trip and then he could get away from her.

**-TRIGGER WARNING-**

She laughed and drove off, clearly amused by the discomfort that she was causing him. He sat close to the door and kept his eyes on the road, which is why he noticed when Jenna didn't take the turn toward the store. "Where are we going?"

"Walmart?" She suggested, a sly grin on her face. "Where else would we go?"

"To the grocery store?" He snapped, finally losing his cool. "Go to the store so we can get what we have to get."

She slammed on the breaks so hard that the tires squealed, jerking the car to the side of the road on a street that he knew got very little traffic. "We need to talk."

"Jenna," he warned. If she didn't get back on the road right now he would get out of the car and walk. "I'm not doing this with you."

"Why not," she demanded, turning to him, anger flashing in her eyes. "You _have _to feel this. There's no way that you don't."

"There is nothing between us!" He cried out, yanking on the handle of the door, letting out a moan of frustration at the way that it wouldn't budge.

"Because of Spencer, right? Maybe if you give us a chance you would see that you could do better than her!" She lunged forward suddenly, her lips attached to his, kissing him, shoving her tongue in his mouth before he even had time to react.

He pushed her away, and as she moved back her long nails dug at his cheek, tearing in to his skin. But he didn't even care. He just wanted out of this car. "Let me out, Jenna," he was embarrassed by the way that his voice cracked. "I can't- No, I won't do this with you." He had never kissed anyone but Spencer before. He hated that he couldn't say that anymore. He hated the way that her tongue had felt in his mouth. He hated the way that she bite down on his lip as he pushed her away.

Jenna crawled back toward him, one hand on his arm and the other inching its way down to waistline. "How easy would it be for me to convince your daddy and my mommy that poor, troubled Toby Cavanaugh snapped and forced himself on an innocent girl? How hard do you think it would be for them to believe? The way you skulk around, all depressed; the way that you just look at me, never talking. All it would take was a few tears." She sat back in her seat for a moment, messing up her neatly styled hair, bursting into tears. "He- and t-then he r-ripped my s-shit," she ripped her shirt as she said it, "a-and he- he-" Her tears left as quickly as they came. "Who do you think that they would believe? Me or you?"

He was frozen... from fear or shock he wasn't sure. He had suspected that she had a crush, but he never would have suspected this. But the worst part of all of this was that she was right. They would believe her. He would lose his dad too. He could go to j_ail. _Was that what he wanted? But what was to stop her from telling people he forced himself on her anyway? When he didn't talk she continued, one hand tugging hard at his hair and the other brushing down his abs. "You're going to do this, and you're going to like it. Besides, when has your prude girlfriend ever treated you like this?" She giggled, inching her fingers down, playing with the button on his jeans. "I bet she hasn't even let you seen her naked yet, has she? She definitely comes across as the prudish bitch type. Too good for all of us. Too holy to let her virginal breasts be seen by anyone." She leaned in and kissed him again, this time harder than before, her tongue down his throat, her teeth nipping at his lips.

It was like the mention of Spencer made something snap on in his brain. No. He couldn't let this happen. He pushed her off again, leaning over her and turning the child lock off. As she fell off of him she ripped his shirt from the collar, exposing his bare chest. He opened his door and fell out onto the ground, the gravel scraping at his arms. He crawled away toward the grass, crying too hard to see straight. What the hell had just happened? What the hell was that? How had he _let _that happen? He crawled to a bush, emptying his stomach onto the mulch again and again.

**-END OF TRIGGER WARNING-**

"You're going to regret this!" He heard the door shut and her drive away, but he didn't look up to see it happen.

He vomited into the bushes one more time before pulling himself to his feet. He was shaking so hard that it was a miracle that he could support himself. He wiped away the blood that was trickling down his face and just started to walk. Where was he supposed to go? Jenna would beat him home, which means his dad would always be colored by her lies. He wouldn't believe him. He couldn't go to any of his friends, because he was embarrassed. He couldn't tell them about this. He was a large guy, and someone he nearly allowed himself to be raped by a girl. He could have fought her off. He _should _have fought her off. And Spencer? He let out a loud sob thinking of Spencer. How could he ever let her see him again? He felt dirty. He felt alone.

He felt so alone. His mom would have believed him. He would have let his mom see him like this. But she was gone, and she was never coming back.

So he just walked.

* * *

SPOV

She was walking to her car a bad feeling settling in the bit of her stomach as her phone rang. She picked it up, her forehead wrinkling in concern when she saw Mr. Cavanaugh's number flashing across the screen. "Hello?" She said softly when she answered.

_"Where is he?"_

She could already tell this wasn't going to be a pleasant call by the tone of his voice. "What are you talking about?"

_"What the fuck is my son? He's not here, and he needs to be to explain what he did."_

She cringed at his angry voice. She had never heard him sound so angry before. "You need to watch your tone with me, Mr. Cavanaugh and explain to me what's going on. I thought that he would be with you."

_"He was with me until I sent him to go get pop with Jenna. She came back alone, sobbing about how he forced himself on her."_

She had to stop, her hand on her car to try and ground herself. Because she felt like her anger was overwhelming her. "What?"

_"Jenna got back alone without him about a half an hour ago. Her hair is a mess and her shirt is torn. There's a huge bruise on her face, and Toby's no where to be found."_

"And you-" she tried to get the words out. "you think Toby-"

_"What else am I supposed to think, Spencer? He's been a different kid lately, and- listen, I don't want you to go looking for him, but do you know where he could be?"_

She ducked in to her car, unwilling to let the crowded parking lot hear what she was going to say next. "The fact that you would come even close to believing that bitch is appalling to me."

_"Excuse me?"_

His angry voice only fueled the fire that was raging inside of her. "He's your _son. _You're supposed to believe him, but instead you're choosing _her? _Have you not seen the creepy way she follows him around and touches him? She did this, and if I find him hurt anywhere I swear to God there's going to be hell to pay."

Mr. Cavanaugh's voice was nearly as angry as her own. _"You're crossing a line, young lady. I never would have believed this of my son, but ever since Marion died he hasn't been acting like my son."_

She was finally understanding where the expression seeing red came from. She was livid. "Because you've replaced him. He lost both his parents in one go. I get that this may be how you cope, but you're abandoning him in the process. And you're forcing him to spend time with someone who scares him. Are you so self absorbed that you can't see that? Why do you think that I've been coming over for every dinner?"

_"Spencer-"_

"Fuck off," she hissed, punching her finger down on the button to hang up.

She started her car and pulled out of the parking lot, murder on her mind. If Toby hadn't called her then something had happened, something that he was ashamed of. She drove off toward the store, driving slowly on the roads, looking for him. He had to be somewhere. A half an hour? How far could he have gotten?

She pulled off onto a side road, and like it was a miracle she saw him, sitting on the curb in front of an abandoned house. She slammed on the breaks, pulling to a stop next to him. She didn't even turn the car off. She jumped out, leaving her door open. She was unsteady on her feet as she ran to him, slowing to a walk when she got close. She sat down next to him, waiting for him to acknowledge her.

She studied him while she waited, her eyes taking in his ripped shirt and the deep scratch on his face. She looked at the tear stains on his face and the absolute anguish on his features, and she felt an unfathomable sense of rage burning in her stomach. That bitch. That unbelievable, incomprehensible bitch. She never thought that she might be capable of murder until this very moment. If Jenna was with them right now she might literally tear that bitch apart. All that she wanted to do was pull him into her arms and never let him go, but he had to make the first move. Especially if Jenna had...

"I'm sorry."

She jumped, reaching out and gently taking his hand. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she whispered fiercely. "You- she- it's not your fault." She tried to keep her anger out of her voice, but she couldn't quite manage it.

"You're mad," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I'm s-sorry, I understand if-"

She interrupted him. "If you even finish that sentence..." she trailed off. "I'm livid. I'm furious, but not with you. Never with you."

He clung to her hand, almost painfully, but she didn't care. "S-she k-kissed me," he whispered, his fingers on his lips. "I- I didn't want to, b-but she did. I- w-why did she..." he trailed off.

She was crying now. She wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in to her. "I love you," she whispered into his hair. "I love you, and this doesn't change anything. I'm right here."

"How did you find me?" He mumbled into her shoulder.

"Your dad called," Spencer said in a hard voice. "He-"

"He believes her," he said dully. "I knew he would. You don't have to tell me. But why don't you... why don't you believe her?"

Spencer pulled away, taking his face in her hands. "I know who you are," she breathed. "I know you would never do something like that."

He tried to look down but she held his gaze. "Hey," she whispered, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. She paused, her fingers over the scratch in his cheek. "hey, you're okay. I promise you, this will be okay. And I won't leave you until it is."

"I can't go home," he murmured. "They'll want to... I don't even know. But I can't look at my dad."

She nodded, tears pouring down her face now at his dull, broken voice. He had been through so much in the last year, and now life handed him this? Was it a joke. "We'll go to the Edgewood Motorcourt. We probably shouldn't go to my house either. I can get two rooms if you don't- if you don't feel comfortable with me being there. But I'm not leaving you."

He didn't respond as she helped him up and in to her car. His eyes weren't even sad. They were blank, and that scared the hell out of her. She could only pray that this wasn't his breaking point, and if it was there would be hell to pay for every single person back at the Cavanaugh house. She paused by the trunk, popping it open and pulling out the hoodie of his that she kept in case she got cold.

She climbed back inside and passed it to him, her fingers lingering on the back of his hand. "Whatever you need, whenever you need it," she said softly. "Don't forget that."

She started the car and drove off into the night, uncertain how she was going to pull her boyfriend back this time.


	16. Chapter 16

**This honest to God made me cry. I have to stop doing this to all of us.**

**I weirdly had two people ask me for my instagram last chapter. IF you send me a PM asking me for it I'll share it with you, but it's my personal instagram, so I don't want to post it. I don't have a "fandom" one or whatever.**

Chapter 16

SPOV

"Toby," she whispered, desperate to help him, but not knowing how to. "tell me what you need. If you want me to go back to the front desk and get another room that's what I'll do. If you want me to call my parents so we can get a case together on _her _I'll do that. If you want me to just sit in the corner and not talk that's fine. Just tell me. Please."

He had been sitting in the stiff chair, staring at the wall for at least an hour, although she hadn't been keeping track. He looked somewhere around her feet, moving for the first time since he had sat down. "Don't go," he whispered so quietly that she had barely heard it.

She nodded, digging through her purse for the little white container that she always took to French Club with her since Mona had stabbed herself cutting cheese last semester. She took it and snapped it open, fumbling for a bandage and a few antibiotic wipes. "Can I clean you face?" She whispered. It felt wrong to talk any louder than him. She didn't want to frighten him. "It looks like it hurts."

He nodded, not talking again. But that was good enough for her.

She stood up and stopped between his legs. She took his chin in her hands and gently, so gently, tilted it up so she could get a better look. She touched him as gently as he had always touched her. The more she she thought about his gentle touches the more angry that she got. His dad should have known him well enough to know that he never would have done this. He was always so gentle with her, his hands just barely grazing over her body, like he didn't want to inadvertently hurt her. Every single time they were intimate he took it slow and so gently, making sure that she was comfortable every step of the way.

He should have known that Toby couldn't do this.

She swiped away her own tear before continuing, gently, so gently, brushing the wipe over the gash in his cheek. That bitch much have had some monster claws, because it was shocking to her that a cut this deep came from someone's fingernails. He flinched away from her hands, the medicine clearly stinging his cut. "Sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

He just shook his head, bringing a soft hand up to her waist. "It's okay. Just keep going."

She hesitated, biting down on her lip. It caused her no end of anxiety to think that she was hurting him, but she had to keep going. The last thing that he needed was to get an infect. She tilted his chin up again, rubbing the antibiotic cream into his cheek as she bit down hard on her lip. "I'm sorry," she whisper. "I'm so sorry." She pressed the bandage to the clean skin and stepped back.

He caught her wrist as she moved to step away. "Do you- do you think-" She stood patiently in front of him, waiting for him to manage to get the words out. "i-is this my fault?"

"What?" She breathed, squeezing on to the chair next to him. She wanted to pull him in to a hug, but she was scared how he would react if she touched him any further than by holding his hand. "No, Toby. Oh my God, no."

"Did I accidentally lead her on? I- I didn't mean too." He looked down with a frown, trying to hide the fact that he wiped away a tear.

She didn't care anymore. She wrapped an arm around him and pulled him all the way against her. "I love you," she whispered, running her fingers through his hair. "Oh my God, Toby I love you so much. I'm so sorry. You didn't do anything. I'm so sorry, I should have been there."

He shook his head, initiating eye contact for the first time. "There's a short list of who could potentially take blame for this, and you aren't even on it."

"Neither are you," she murmured, holding his eyes. "You're right, the list is very short. It only has one person on it, and it's Jenna."

"I could have-"

She put a hand on either side of his face as she leaned in and pressed her forehead to his. "Listen to me," she whispered. "you are kind and gentle and she took advantage of that in the most horrible way she could have. You did nothing wrong."

"But-"

She closed her eyes, moving one of her hands to the back of his head. "No. You did nothing wrong."

He just nodded, tugging her down into his lap, suddenly wrapping his arms tightly around her. His grip only tightened as he cried into her hair. She just leaned against him, letting him hold her. She wound her arms around him, holding him just as tightly. She loved him. She loved him so much, and it wasn't just something she said. It wasn't just words. She loved him with every single part of her soul.

She didn't know how long they sat there for, but her eyes started to droop. She was going to fall asleep, but she didn't want to make him move. She tucked her face into his shirt as her eyes started to drift shut.

TPOV

It took awhile, but he eventually calmed down. His tears slowed to shaky gasps. He felt off, just horrible. He didn't know what to do. How was he supposed to move on from this?

He wasn't sure how to begin to move on, so instead he focused on the girl in his lap. That was when he noticed that she was asleep. He softened, pulling her up and against his chest, moving the both of them to the bed. He carefully laid her out and took her shoes off, covering her with the blanket. He sat against the headboard, leaning back and closing his eyes.

_He pulled up in front of her house, feeling more worried than he ever had been. It wasn't often that Spencer let him hear her fear, but she was afraid now and it was scaring the shit out of him._

_He rolled the window down, wincing as he heard screaming coming from inside the house. Her parents must be fighting again, and he hated that. He hated that they fought in front of her, that they caused her so much undeserved anxiety. She was young. She was supposed to be enjoying it._

_He was about to run in and find her when she ran out. Even from 50 feet away he could see that she was crying. He got out of the car and caught her before she could duck down inside. "What happened, Spence?"_

_She shook her head, pulling him toward the car. "We have to go," she whispered. "Now." Her voice sounded hoarse._

_"Spencer?" He asked her again, pulling her to a stop. "What happened?" He was going to get answers before they went anywhere._

_She tried to pull away, but he tightened his grip. He tilted her chin up and felt a murderous rage building up in his stomach at the bruise on her cheek. "What the hell happened?" He wasn't asking now._

_"Toby," she warned. "Please. I'll tell you everything, but we have to go first."_

_"Like hell," he said firmly, letting going of her and making his way in to the house._

_She chased after him, getting in front of him and pushing on his chest. "It was an accident. It isn't worth it. Please, let's just go."_

_"Spencer," he all but growled. "No one can do this to you and get away with it. Whether they're your parents or not."_

_She shook her head, wrapping her arms around him so tightly that it felt like she was trying to climb in to him. "It was an accident. I walked down to see what was happening and my dad's hand swung out and hit my face when I came up behind him. It was really, really an accident. I ran upstairs and that was when I called you. They started fighting again after they couldn't get me out."_

_He let out a sigh and hugged her back with just as much fervor. "I love you."_

_She wilted in to him. "I love you too," she whispered. "Can we just go for awhile? They won't care, and maybe you could tell your mom you're with Caleb?"_

_He nodded, putting one hand in her hair and kissing the top of her head. "Let's go to Philly for the weekend."_

He always felt badly for leaning on her, but he shouldn't. She had faced her own demons, and he had been there for her every single step of the way. Why was it so hard for him to believe that she might want to be there for him too? He ran his fingers through her soft hair, biting down on his lip. God, he loved her. What other girl in the world would have stayed with him after all of this shit?

He jumped violently as a loud pounding came from the door. Spencer started, blinking her eyes open. "W-what?" she yawned.

He put a restraining hand on her shoulder, just looking at the door. He needed to figure out who it was before he decided how to react. There was a possibility that it was just some intoxicated guests. "Shhh," he murmured, helping her up, keeping his restraining hand in front of her. He didn't need her going rogue.

They both jumped as the pounding continued. "Toby, I know you're in there! I see her car outside! I know you're there. Let me in!"

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Stay back, okay?" He whispered to Spencer. "Let me take care of it."

Her eyes were huge. "Toby, you don't have to let him in."

He shook his head. "I'm going to have to do this eventually. I might as well get it over with."

She nodded hesitantly. "If it doesn't go well we'll just go further. We'll get away from him for awhile."

He kissed the top of her head and shifted up and to the door, taking a deep breath before he opened it. His dad's reaction was instantaneous. He barreled through the door, pushing him hard into the wall. He groaned, putting his hand on his chest. "Get off of me."

He heard Spencer shout something, but he was focused on his dad. His dad's eyes were on Spencer though. "You should have called me the second you found him," he shouted. "You know what's at stake here."

Spencer stood up, and he could see the fire in her eyes. He knew he had to get the focus back on him. He shoved at his dad's chest, pushing him off. "If you want to talk that's fine," he said softly. "but you're going to talk to me, not her. I didn't do this."

"How am I supposed to believe you?" His dad's voice was still louder than it should be. "How _can_ I believe you? I saw what she looked like when she came back."

He shut his mouth. He felt his face losing its color. He knew his dad wouldn't believe him, but to hear him actually say it was breaking his heart. Spencer saw that and stepped in. He didn't want her, but this time he needed her to and that was making a difference.

"Did she go to the hospital?" Spencer asked in a dangerously calm voice. He knew she had to be fighting to stay that way. "Did she go get checked out or are you taking the word of her messy hair?" Her voice was rising with every word. "Let me show you how easy that is." She yanked her hair out of her pony tale and started to tease it with her fingers. She smeared her makeup. "I'm not going to punch myself in the face, but you see my meaning."

"Who would do that?" His dad yelled. "Who would be crazy enough to accuse someone of a sexual assault that didn't happen?"

Spencer finally lost her cool. "_**Jenna!**_ Who would believe a bitch that he had known for two weeks over his own son? Who would be so terrible a father that he let his grief color what he knew to be true? That he would allow someone to do this to his own child?" She took a step forward. "As soon as you leave I will be calling my parents, because I think we need legal advice here. Defamation, false accusations... if Jenna decides to pursue this any further you can believe that my parents will take care of it faster than any lawyer that either of you can afford will. Especially without proof. Because I can tell you that she didn't go to the hospital. Because if she had this would be done, because _it didn't happen_. I wonder what a false rape accusation goes for in Pennsylvania?"

"How dare you-"

"I swear to God, if you finish that sentence I'm going to lose my shit. Get out of this room, and do it now."

His dad nodded. He started to walk out, but before he did he looked over his shoulder. "Don't bother coming home, Toby."

The door shut with a thump. He stood froze against the wall. Spencer immediately pulled out her cellphone, dialing some number. Toby slumped to the floor, his head in his knees. "What am I supposed to do?"

Spencer looked up from her text with sad eyes, not even phased by her shouting match with his dad. Although he didn't know why he would have thought she was upset, because she definitely came on top. Which wasn't surprising. She had a way with words. "I had an idea about that anyway, I was just waiting to give you processing time to suggest it."

He looked at her curiously, trying to subtly wipe away a tear that was sliding down his cheek. His dad had never been the best parent, but he would have expected this of him. "What do you mean?"


	17. Chapter 17

**I want to say there are three more chapters here. Maybe two if the next one ends up being long. I'm still not sure because I'm ecclectic, okay?! Thanks again to Kristhefangirl for winning the most patient award.**

**The best is yet to come in this story, promise. And by the best I mean so fluffy it might kill you, sorry not sorry.**

**Read, review, let me know what you think my loves.**

Chapter 17

SPOV

For the first time in her life her anger felt like a tangible thing. It felt like she was drowning in anger, choking on it. It was so thick around her that she could barely breath, but she battled to keep it off of her face. Toby was the priority right now. He was her focus. "Well, I have to check with my dad first, but you know how he owns the building that the Brew is in?" She waited for his nod before continuing. "There's a loft on the top floor. It's a literal disaster. It's falling apart really. But just this morning dad was talking about finding someone to move in rent-free in exchange for fixing it up..."

She trailed off, studying his face and searching for his reaction. "I don't-"

She bit her lip. "I love you. I love you, Toby. Please don't turn this down out of some misguided sense of pride." She crawled over to him, pulling him against her. "We were going to do this anyway. And it would do everyone a favorite actually knowing the person living in there. And you and I both know that you would do a better job than any of the other idiots that they might find."

He shivered, leaning in to her side. "Spence-" he whispered, pulling her closer. "I don't- do you really think-"

She kissed his hair. "I'll ask them. But I think it will work out fine, and if they're okay with it we can start moving you in tomorrow. I think you could do really good things with the space."

He nodded. "Let's lay down, okay?" He whispered. "Can we just sleep for awhile? Because I don't want to deal with life anymore, right now."

With every word he spoke her heart shattered into more and more pieces. She stood up and held both her hands out. He took her hands and let her help her help him up. She hesitated before winding her arm around his waist, leaning against him. "I'm not going anywhere. Tell me you know that," she begged him. She needed to hear him say that he didn't question her devotion to him. He was everything, and there wasn't a thing in the world that was going to keep her away from him. "I'll be right here for as long as you want me."

She felt him take in a deep breath. "It's the only thing keeping me sane," he admitted softly. "What would I have if I didn't have you?"

She nodded, feeling herself tear up this time. She let him lead her to the bed and curled up next to him. They always touched when they were in bed. It was ridiculous. She couldn't think of a single time that they shared a bed where they weren't touching in every way possible. Her heartstrings tugged at the way he hesitantly wrapped both of his arms around her. "Is this..."

She was going to find a way to get back at Jenna for this if it were the last thing she did. This wasn't the boyfriend that had kissed her goodbye after school. This wasn't the one that knew the exact right thing to do and say. Jenna had brought back the shy, insecure boy that she had worked so hard to build up. She would be patient. She would get him back there. But she was going to kill that bitch. "It's perfect," she said thickly, sure that he could hear her tears in the voice, but she was so far past caring. "It's perfect."

Her arms wound around him before she even consciously made the decision to do it, and she buried her face in his chest. She was still tired, but she would stay awake. She had to be up later than him, because she had a few calls to make. His kissed the top of her head. "It's okay if you want to go, Spencer. I promise you don't have to stay with me."

She snorted. "Sleep. I'm not going anywhere. The sooner you realize that the better."

He nodded against her. She felt two years and no time had passed all at the same time. When she felt like it was safe she shifted out of his arms and put a gentle hand against his cheek. "Toby?" She whispered. When he didn't move she smiled softly. He slept like a log. It would be safe to make the calls she needed to.

She shifted, sitting up against the headboard, one hand in his hair and the other on her phone. She tapped out the number she needed and held it to her ear. It only rang three times before the person that she needed to talk to answered. "Hey dad," she said softly. "I need to talk to you."

* * *

TPOV

He stirred slightly, the angst still weighing heavily in his stomach as he slowly woke up. But maybe he felt a little bit better, especially as he sat up and noticed that Spencer was still there. She could tell him everything in the world, but right now she was showing him and that made all the difference for him. It was one thing to make promises. His dad and his mom made plenty, and apparently they were following through on none of them. But every moment that went by and Spencer was still there just continued to prove her loyalty to him.

"Hey," she smiled, looking over at him. "You're awake." She glanced down at her phone with a bit of a frown.

He pulled himself up. "What's wrong?"

She glanced at him, giving him a look. "Why do you think something's wrong?"

"Because you're frowning," he said softly. Somehow it was nice to worry about her a little bit. It felt normal, because it was so typical of him to think about her before he thought about himself.

She smiled and shook her head. "No I just couldn't write this text correctly." She paused. "I did do something, though."

He gave her an apprehensive look. "What did you do?"

Her smile didn't waver. "I know you were reluctant," she said softly, "but I called my dad and he was all for it. He even said we could move one of the futons from our barn to the loft so you have somewhere to sleep until you can figure more out."

"Spencer-" he didn't know what to say. What could he even say?

She didn't speak, and that's when he knew that she wasn't done. "What else did you do?" He asked apprehensively.

She frowned this time. "You aren't going to like this part, but I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Spencer..." He trailed off, wondering what she could have possibly done.

She bit down on her lip. "I called my family's accountant," she said softly. "He's an old family friend. It isn't weird that I called him this late. Anyway, I had him transfer some money from my trust fund into-"

"No, stop," he said softly. "I'm not taking your money, Spencer." He wasn't in a good place, but God he didn't want her to feel like she had to take care of him. She had already given him so much. How was he supposed to take her money?

Spencer crawled across the bed and took both of his hands. "I'm doing this because I love you," Spencer said softly. "I love you more than I can put to words, and I want you to feel safe and good until you can find a job. I plan on spending a long while with you, Toby," she laughed a little. "so unless you plan on ditching me that money is going to end up being yours anyway. Consider it an advance, if you want."

He shook his head, leaning forward to kiss her for the first time. Just ten hours ago he was wondering how he was supposed to go on after this newest blow, but now he was feeling lucky. He hadn't doubted Spencer before, but this was just effectively demonstrating why. It was showing him that he could trust her with anything and everything. "I love you," he whispered. "It's too much. You didn't have to, but God, I love you for wanting to."

She smiled against his lips. "The loft his trashed, but do you want to go see it?"

He nodded slowly. Maybe he could make it into a home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry guys. I joined a role play on tumblr and it's hella distracting in addition to the fact that I'm ALMOST DONE WITH MY FIRST SEMESTER OF TEACHING. But I love you all, okay?! And I promise I'm always working. IF YOU REVIEW YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND HERE HAVE SOME VIRTUAL BROWNIES.**

**There are two more chapters of this. One more LONG regular one and one that's set in the future. I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK OAKY!?**

TPOV

He apprehensively followed behind Spencer. "I'm a little unsure about this, Spence?"

She turned around, a smile on her lips. "Just look at it before you say anything. It's a mess. You might hate it either way."

A chunk of hair had escaped her ponytail at some point and was sliding in front of her eyes. He couldn't help himself. He put one hand on her hips and stepped up to the same stair as her. He used the other hand to tuck the hair behind her ear as he ducked down and kissed her gently. "I know I'm being a pain in the ass," he said softly. "but the fact that you were willing to do this for me means everything in the world."

She smiled against his lips and went in for another soft kiss. "You're worth it all. Now before I go in," she whispered. "I need to tell you about one more conversation I had, this one with my mom."

He shot her a questioning look. When Spencer didn't just come out and say it that usually meant that it was something he wouldn't approve of. She knew that he would do anything for her. She didn't need to be hesitant unless it was something about him, because that was where his reluctance came in. She bit her lip. "I wanted to talk legal things with my mom. I made it all hypothetical, didn't bring your name up at all. It made her curious, but she knows nothing, and I want you to know that before I say anything else."

He nodded. He didn't like it, but he knew it was necessary. He was glad that Spencer called, because he wasn't sure he was ever going to be able to talk about it again. She smiled a little bit. "It was exactly like I bellowed at your dad. It's going to be a hard sell without her having gone to the hospital to get a rape kit. They won't be able to come close to pinning anything on you without physical evidence, so I don't want that to worry you for another second."

He did feel immensely relieved at the revelation, but she still clearly had something to add. "What else?" He whispered.

Spencer nodded. "I doubt she's intelligent enough to figure this out, but if she wanted to go for a physical assault charge, she might be able to swing that," Spencer said softly. "but my mom said at that point that she could tell this was a real thing, and if one of my friends needed legal advice she'd bring the lawyer pain. And you know my mom will make any lawyer they hire cry and pee their pants. Hell, I could probably do that, because the first thing that I would do would be compare sizes of the bruises. There's no way she replicated your hand size perfectly. Either she hit herself with something or hit herself with her own hand, and either way the sizes won't line up. You aren't going down for a single thing that you didn't do, I promise," Spencer said softly.

He smiled, he couldn't help it. He loved her for going so above and beyond for him. She was his girlfriend... his best friend... and he was so confident that he would love her for the rest of his life. In this day and age it is so hard to trust someone completely, but God, did he trust Spencer. He trusted her with his fears, with his insecurities, with his victories... he trusted her with his whole heart, with every single part of him. "I love you," he whispered, pulling her into him, hugging her gently. "I love you more than I ever thought that I could love anyone."

She leaned into him, caressing his face a little bit. "Right back at you, Toby," she whispered. "Right back at you." She pulled away, keeping a tight grip on his hand. "Let's go see it."

He let her lead him up the stairs and to the door. She fumbled with the key for a second, hesitating before pulling him through the door. "Be careful," she said softly. "It's a little rough."

He coughed as they went inside, glancing around the rough, broken down apartment. It was a mess, but the way that the sun went through the windows was kind of beautiful. Maybe he really could make this feel like home. "Spence-" He was going to cry again. God, he had to calm down, because he had cried more than enough times in front of her over the past few months.

She immediately saw his emotions and came to him, wrapping her arms back around him. "Say the word and I'll call everyone to come over and help us clean up. If this is what you want we'll make it happen. And if it's not just tell me, and we will make that happen too."

He pressed her face into her hair, fighting back the happy tears. Because for the first time in awhile he just felt so loved. "I think that's exactly what I want," he whispered. "I- God, Spence- Just, thank you," he murmured. "I love you."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "I love you too," she muttered. "so much."

* * *

SPOV

She scrubbed at the windows, struggling to get light into the dim building. She almost felt bad bringing Toby here. It was a mess. But he didn't look stressed. She glanced at him across the dust rays of light shining through the clean spots. He looked happy, and with every smile she felt her shoulders relax. He was starting to almost look like his old self.

Hanna nudged her. "I don't know what's going on, but do you need to be alone? You look like you're going to jump his damn bones."

"Hanna!" She gasped. She laughed and swatted at her arm. "Are you kidding? Stop!"

Hanna grinned. "Are you saying I'm wrong?" She laughed.

Spencer shook her head. "No," she grinned. "but you don't have to screech it."

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Caleb!" She whined. "I'm hungry, feed me?"

Caleb sighed dramatically, but he nodded in the end. He was whipped and everyone knew it, not that that was a bad thing at all. They were in love in their own way. "Maybe we can go get something and bring it back?"

Hanna nodded, immediately going and grabbing his arm, pulling him down the hall and out the door. Spencer dropped the rag with a plop and immediately walked into his arms the second they had disappeared.

He reacted immediately, pulling her against him. "Do you remember the time that we had to clean up after Hanna's party before your mom got home?"

She laughed. "Oh my God. You mean the time that I attacked you and we made out in my bedroom while Hanna worked like a crazy person?"

He nodded, chuckling a little bit. "I was just thinking that her face when she was questioning you about whatever she was looked a lot like it did when she when she walked in on us. It made me think of it."

She blushed a little, thinking of her conversation with Hanna. It was ridiculous she was more embarrassed about talking about having sex with him than she was actually doing it, but all the same, she was blushing. "I love you," she said softly, just wanting to make sure that he knew that. "I love you, and I know you think this is a big thing, but it isn't. It's so small compared to what I would do for you," she admitted readily. She actually couldn't think of a single thing that she wouldn't do. She loved him to the point of recklessness; hell, she was absolutely certain that she could kill someone if that would keep him safe.

He tightened his grip on her, ducking his face into her hair. "You know I feel the same way," he whispered. "The fact that I would do literally anything for you scares me sometimes."

She nodded, knowing exactly how he felt. It felt wrong to be this devoted to another human being, but it couldn't be helped. It felt wrong because if he left her now there wouldn't be any coming back from that. But it felt so right. It felt like she found her other half, and she wouldn't ever be letting him go. She leaned into him. They were so connected that they felt like one person in that moment.

His absence was felt in a significant way when a harsh knock sounded on the front door and they broke apart. Who the hell was that?


	19. Chapter 19

**This is the last real chapter. I like it a lot, to be honest. You will have an epilogue soon, and then this will be done! I started another story though, called "Like a Small Boat." ITS GOING TO BE A SAD ONE.**

**LOVE YOU GUYS.**

Chapter 19

TPOV

He had a bad feeling about the knock. Her parents would have walked in. Hanna and Caleb would have walked in. Literally any other single person on the planet was someone that he didn't want to see. And judging by the confused look on her face she wasn't expecting anyone either. She glanced up at him. "Do you-"

He shook his head, frowning. He didn't want to answer it. He didn't want to crack at the happiness that he was finally starting to rebuild. But the ugly possibilities of their intruder were heavy on his mind. He didn't want to put her on the front lines of another battle between him and his dad, or worse. "Let me get it," he finally responded, his voice not much more than an insubstantial whisper.

She rolled her eyes, but stepped back to let him. It was her way of accepting and reminding him that he was being a caveman. He didn't really care at the moment though. Whoever was knocking didn't sound like anyone he wanted Spencer dealing with.

He pulled open the door and immediately stepped back when he saw the face that he was sure would play a staring roll in his nightmares for many years to come. "Jenna," he barely managed to choke out. He could still feel the sting of her nails digging into his skip, the hopelessness was starting to encroach his happiness again. How could his dad believe her over him?

Jenna had her typical smirk, but now instead of finding it annoying it made goosebumps erupt down his arms. "Hey Toby," she sang. "I saw her car out front and I thought that maybe we could talk. I made a lucky assumption that you would be with her, and I was right."

"I-"

But before he could finish his sentence a small blur shoved by him. He barely managed to snag Spencer around the waist in time, her insubstantial weight propelling him forward with her desperation to get at Jenna. He steadied the both of them and bit back a smile. He didn't want her anywhere near Jenna, but it meant everything in the world that she was ready to defend him.

Spencer gained control of herself, but he kept his arms around her. It was a dual purpose, really. It kept him grounded, but it also ensured that she wasn't trying to trick him. Because that was the exact thing that she would try to do. She was impulsive and protective, none of which were good qualities when he wanted to stop her from attacking someone.

There was a long silence before Spencer filled it in a low voice. "You have 5 seconds to leave."

"I really don't think-"

Spencer rose her eyebrows. "5."

Jenna sneered. "What are you going to do? Try to tackle me?" She laughed. "I'd like to see you try."

Spencer kept a straight face. "4."

Jenna laughed. "Clearly Toby didn't tell you everything. He didn't tell you how made out for hours before he decided he wanted more than I was prepared to give him. He didn't tell you that, did he."

Spencer's grip on his hand tightened, but other than that she didn't react to Jenna's false words. "3."

Jenna's fake smile faded a little bit. "Listen, you bitch-" she took a step forward, and Toby immediately let go of Spencer to block her advance. He would take what happen yesterday a thousand times before he let someone touch Spencer.

"2," he could hear the smirk in her voice, and he sincerely hoped that she wasn't trying to get herself hit by Jenna. If that was her goal he would have to have a talk with her about stupid plans.

Jenna lurched forward, but he held her back easily. He could take whatever she threw at him, but she wouldn't be touching Spencer. "I will destroy both of you for this, do you hear me? You haven't heard the last from me! The things that I could do to you? It will be nothing compared to what I did last night. I lied, you both know that. But no one else does, and by the time I get through with it they'll be thinking that you did a lot more than assault me, Toby."

"1," Spencer laughed. He turned to look at her, confusion on her face. She smiled reassuringly at him and pulled out her phone, tapping a few buttons before dialing a number. "Mom?" She said, a grin on her face. "Did you get the text that I sent you a minute ago?" There was a short pause in which she glanced at him. "I don't know if he wants to press charges, but you have Jenna's confession either way."

He laughed. It was probably the the exact wrong reaction but he let out a loud laugh. He tightened his grip on Jenna lest she get any stupid ideas and just looked at Spencer in awe. He didn't even know what to think about her. He probably wouldn't be pressing charges, but she got literal and actual proof that he hadn't done anything. And it just- it meant everything.

Jenna let out a shriek of annoyance, lurching forward one more time. When she couldn't get past him she jerked away from him and stormed down the stairs, tossing them an obscene gesture as she threw herself back in her mom's car, the car that housed one of his worst nightmares, and drove off down the street.

He laughed again and pulled Spencer into a hug. "I love you, Spencer," he whispered. "God, I love you."

She didn't say anything as she held just as tightly. She ran a soft hand up and down his back. "There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, Toby Cavanaugh. When are you going to realize that?"

He smiled a little bit. "I think I've known that for a while now."

* * *

SPOV

She stood a few rows back, watching her classmates walk across the stage to grab their diplomas. Some people she barely knew. For others she was so proud of them. They had had their ups and downs, but largely, high school had been a wonderful experience for all of them.

"Toby Cavanaugh."

She was proud of all of her classmates, but there wasn't a single one that she was as proud of as she was Toby. Toby had every chance and every reason to give up, but he didn't. He was still here, and she was thrilled. She was so happy for him. She jumped to her feet and cheered along with most of their classmates. They knew about him losing his mom, and the stark absence of his father couldn't have been missed by many. She was so proud of him, and she was so happy that their classmates were showing him the love that he deserved.

Before she even realized what was happening it was her turn. "Spencer Hastings, valedictorian."

She smiled a little bit at the cheers that followed her up as she grabbed her diploma. She took the maroon folder and hurried back to her seat, her cheeks a bright red. There were times that she enjoyed being the center of attention, but this wasn't one of them. She never appreciated being singled out. There were so many people in her class that were just as intelligent as her, and it made her sad to realize that they weren't getting recognized. They were just as deserving, her particular GPA combination simply turned out to be slightly more favorable.

The rest of the ceremony went by in a blur of speeches and tears. It felt surreal. She was graduating from high school. It was more symbolic than anything, because the next few years would be nothing more than a brief stepping stone into adulthood, but even still... it was the end of an era. She was getting ready to leave behind everything she had ever known to step into her future.

Well, not everything. She smiled as her boyfriend approached her. He held an arm out for her and she stepped into it, pressing herself against his side in a hug that was as familiar to her as anything. She was nervous to move on from the safety net of Rosewood, but with Toby by her side she knew that there wasn't anything that she couldn't do. She was ready as long as she had him.

He leaned down and brushed his lips over the top of hers in the lightest of touches. "Congratulations," he breathed, his lips turning up into a slight smile. "I'm dating the valedictorian. That's hot."

She laughed brushing her nose across his shoulder, just enjoying the security that his arms provided. "Are you ready?" She asked, reference their move at the end of the month. They would be attending Georgetown together in the fall, but neither of them had any desire to put off the move. It was time to start their new life.

He nodded without hesitation. "I don't think I've ever been so ready for something. I'm ready to start over with you."

She nodded. "I know what you-"

They were interrupted, but that was okay. She spent the day hugging her friends and posing for more pictures than she cared to remember. And it was all okay, because she was moving on. She was leaving this place and these people behind, and she wasn't going to look back. She supposed that she owed them all she could manage in the time that she had left with them.

After awhile Toby rejoined her, taking her by her hand and pulling her off toward an isolated part of the lawn in front of their, now former, school. "I wanted to give you something."

"We agreed not to do presents," she protested.

"I am going to give you something," he admitted, 'but it's not for graduation. It's because it's already yours, really."

She gave him a curious look. "What are you talking about?"

He took in a deep breath like he was steeling himself to say something hard. "I love you, Spencer. I love you, and there isn't anyone else in the world that I'm ever going to say that too and mean it like I do with you. I know that I'm going to want you in the same way for the rest of my life. And while I'm not crazy enough to propose to you at graduation I do want to give you something to show you that I intending upon being a part of your life for as long as you'll have me." He closed his eyes as he fished through his pocket. He pulled out a small object and took her hand, sliding a ring onto her right hand.

She glanced down at it, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "Toby..." she breathed.

He kept his hand on hers and brought his other hand to her face, gently tilting her chin up so she was looking into her eyes. "That was a promise ring that my dad gave my mom when they were our age. She never took it off. I think that she wore it as a reminder of when things were good between them. But either way, Spence, I promise that I will love you forever. How could I not?" His hand dropped from her face as he pulled her into his arms, his face in his hair. "You saved me," he whispered. "You saved me again and again and again. There is no doubt in my mind, I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you. I would never have survived losing my mom or anything else. But you didn't let me give up. You held on, you kept my head above water until I cared enough to do it for myself. And I could spent an eternity loving you and it wouldn't be enough to thank you for that."

She was crying now. She wanted to pull away to kiss him, but she didn't want to advertise her tears to the whole world. "I love you," she whispered. "so much."

"I love you too," he murmured, passion and sincerity dripping from every single syllable. "I love you too."


	20. Epilogue

Epilogue

**THIS IS SHORT I KNOW, but I just wanted to wrap it up and give you a little snapshot of where they are now! Thank you for sticking with me on this crazy ride! I will continue to work on Like a Small Boat.**

**I have also started writing a 6B story of my own because I am sure i will be endlessly unhappy with the trainwreck they are planning. But because I am so busy I won't be posting that until I have some of it written. But keep on me about it :).**

**THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSTANT SUPPORT. I love you so much, and I hope to see you in my future stories!**

TPOV

5 YEARS LATER

It took a long time, but eventually he started to heal from the year that nearly took everything from him. He would never be whole again. The hole in his heart that his mom had previously filled would never completely go away. He would always miss her. The innocence that Jenna stole from him would never come back, but he could start to try to move on.

He reached out and took Spencer's hand, squeezing it a little bit. He was trying to move on, but he knew that if she hadn't stuck with him he would have fallen into a hole he couldn't get out of. He loved her, and he would be grateful to her for the rest of his life. He had never thought much of himself, but he thought the world of her, and to see that same acceptance reflected back at him was life changing, in a way.

He smiled at the glinting wedding ring on Spencer's finger. Maybe he was finally there. He didn't feel sad anymore. He didn't think about his senior year every day. Some days it didn't even pass through his mind. But today was one of the days that it was heavy in his mind. It had been 5 years since he had gotten the crushing blow that his month had died. It had been five years since he learned that he would never again speak to one of the only people that he knew for certain would always be on his side.

The past 5 years had been hard, but they had been the best of his life. He had a family. He had a purpose. He was a cop. He was the kind of cop that would do his damnedest to ensure that what had happened to him would never happen to another person. He pulled the car into the cemetery, his heart clenching as he walked around to the backseat, taking their one year old daughter from her car seat. "You ready, Princess?"

Reagan clung to his shirt, giggling. "Where are we going, Daddy?"

After a year of having a child one would think that the swell of emotion that came with hearing his child call him daddy would disappear, but it never did. Every single time he felt warm and accepted. He felt like he finally had found the place where he belonged. "We're going to meet your grandma."

Reagan giggled and nodded, wriggling out of his arms and toddling over to Spencer, who was setting up a blanket over the grass in front of his mom's grave stone. He took a deep breath and followed behind them. He hadn't been here in awhile, and not because he didn't want to. It was mostly because they had moved to California after they graduated high school. Spencer had been accepted to Stanford and graduated near the top of her class with a bachelor's degree in psychology. She was working on her PhD now, and she was expected to graduate years ahead of schedule. He went to Berkley and earned his degree in Criminal Justice. If he was going to be a cop he would do it right, and that started by being as prepared as he possibly could be.

It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to come see his mom, it was just so far away. He apprehensively sat on the blanket, touching the grave stone with one hand and bringing Reagan into his lap with the other. "Hey mom, I wanted you to meet my daughter."


End file.
